You’ve texted or messaged one another a few times and determined that you’d like to hear each other’s voices. This could make or break it for some people. So here are some tips on what TO say and what NOT to say:
TONE OF VOICE (TOV)
Have you ever answered your phone only to be met with “Oh hi”? as if you’re the last person they want to hear from? Where do you go from there? When your phone rings answer it with an upbeat and cheery voice NO MATTER WHAT, even if you had an awful day. I have had men go right into telling me they had a stressful day at work and what a jerk their boss/co-worker is or how a client screwed them. Uhm, ok? Sorry to hear that? If they whine on the first hello, I can only imagine where it might go from there!
NOT A JOB INTERVIEW
– Don’t ask why their marriage broke up or how their spouse died. That information will come out eventually but let them tell you when they feel comfortable.
– Don’t ask how long they’ve been on XYZ Dating site or how many dates they’ve gone on. Their answers have nothing to do with whether they are right for you, so why ask?
– DO talk about the common interests you listed on your profiles. I see you like going to concerts! What kind of music do you like best? Or – your profile said you like to read, I just finished _______, have you heard of it?
– Stay away from mundane things like the weather, how your day was, traffic etc.– Start with “Hi Carol this is Ringo from XYZ! Is this a good time to speak?”
– Don’t lead with your issues. Lead with your assets!
OY, Don’t Asks
For MEN – I shouldn’t have to say this to our age group but I’ve had it asked of me way too many times … “what are you wearing?” I am NOT KIDDING!! What is the answer they want? Oh nothing much, just a pink negligee with frou frou feathers and high heeled slippers like Eva Gabor wore in Green Acres. It’s the first thing I put on when I get home from work! OR… do they want the truth? Sweats and a thread bare T-shirt, it’s my fave! Included in this category of what not to ask – “what’s your height and weight?” “what size dress do you wear?” “what’s your bra size?” (NOT KIDDING– I’ve been asked all of these!)
For WOMEN – Men have told me that they’ve been asked what kind of car they drive, if they have a pension, does their ex get half of their pension, how much do they earn. I find that shocking! You will see his car if you meet him. I understand the need for financial assurance but this is subjective and not to mention, personal. It’s rude and at this point, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
KNOW WHEN TO FOLD ‘EM
It’s a first call so you may find that a lull can occur. Take that as an opportunity to nicely end the call. If you like the person so far then you can say something like “I’ve been enjoying our chat and hate to cut it but I just realized it’s almost 9 o’clock and I want to call my sister to wish her luck on a job interview. By the way, good luck to you too on your appointment tomorrow.” This tells them you are family oriented (calling your sister) that you listened to him/her what they spoke about an upcoming appointment. If you don’t like them, be nice anyway. “It’s been nice speaking with you but I have to get up early tomorrow.”
NEVER EVER EVER DO!
Pee, flush, eat, chew gum, burp! That’s just gross! In addition, don’t multi-task. Loading or unloading the dishwasher, or checking email can wait. Give your caller your full attention. It’s nerve wracking enough without feeling as if the person you are speaking to is not making you a priority.