Dear “OH CAROL:”
I’m 52, never married and never even dated much. I’m quiet, and while I’m not ugly, I am overweight and quite ordinary. No one has ever given me a second look.
I’ve been dating a man who is 57 and who also has never been married. He’s really my best friend. And, he’s proposed. But I haven’t given him an answer yet because there are no fireworks and I don’t really love him, even though he treats me like a queen. Our relationship has no sex as he has ED and he doesn’t plan on getting any help.
Should I marry him? I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone and I doubt I’ll be swept off my feet by Prince Charming anytime soon. So, should I settle or should I take a risk that I might find real love in my future.
Where’s Prince Charming?
LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:
Dear “Where’s Prince Charming:”
This sounds like the PERFECT MATCH!!
Being that neither of you have ever married it seems as if you both had unrealistic expectations of what LOVE is. Fat, Skinny, Average, Pretty, Ugly, Handsome, Average, Rich, Poor, none of that matters. Go out and do some people watching and you will see that LOVE/Relationships are often blind and deaf. You want fireworks to go off or bells and whistles to blow or the Hallelujah chorus to chime in? Guess what? THAT NEVER HAPPENS! “I wanna know what LOVE is.” (Foreigner)
Love develops over time. What you describe by saying that there are no fireworks – that isn't love. That is lust.
At our age, for some people, those 'stirrings' can be more subdued. It comes with wisdom, life experience, and knowing what to listen to and what to heed. It sounds like you and your man are not so into sex, therefore, you are not experiencing those fireworks you spoke of. For those of us that DO enjoy sex, there is a certain reality that comes along AfterFifty and that is the possibility of ED or illness or any number of things that could prevent one from having sex which is why, when dating at this stage of life, it is of UTMOST importance to find someone you equally enjoy being with outside of the bedroom as well as in. Someone that makes you laugh, that likes doing the same or similar things, that you are both flexible to each other’s likes and ultimately, finding a best friend.
Well you are way ahead of the pack. You have found your best friend. It sounds like you have found your equal. Neither ever married and both in your 50s. So, what's the problem?
You say he treats you like a Queen. It is time to make him your King!
Yours 4 Love,