Lifestyle & Retirement / Simply Southern Cappy

Well Preserved

By Cappy Hall Rearick on 10/29/2012 No Comments / 1562 views

Yesterday someone said to me, You are really well-preserved for your age.
Well preserved?
I said, What do I look like, a jar of Smuckers?

While genes play a part in how we look by the time our grandkids are in college or have married and have rug rats of their own, so does that free dose of Vitamin D we call sunshine. It was supposed to be good for us.

How about climate? Harsh winters can numb your face and turn your heart into a piece of frozen watermelon. Who knew?

We of the legendary peaches and cream complexions (also known as Southern Belles) have always known that living South of the Mason-Dixon is like taking up residence at the Eternity Spa.

Well, fiddily dee, says the Scarlett clone, batting Llama eyes, why on earth do Yankees complain about humidity? That’s what makes my skin feel so precious. I’ll just nevah understand why we lost that old war.

My Southern mother had good skin. She left it to me when she died as part of my inheritance. No money, just good skin, but I’m not complaining. Without her peaches and cream inheritance, I would have been given the label, well-preserved, long before now.

Mama was thoughtful enough to leave me her hands too, but not right away. I only discovered them the other day when I was trying to bend down and tie my shoes without falling on my face and breaking my daddy’s inherited nose.

Yikes! How did these old hands they get attached to my arms?

They were covered with big brown freckle spots as though someone had been painted them on. I began to wonder about other body parts I hadn’t seen for a while. Like my navel.

This is going to sound paranoid, but pay attention. I am convinced that we may have been invaded by aliens. They steal parts of our body while we sleep and replace them with old, worn out parts they dig up from fresh graves.

It must be embalming fluid, not Botox, that makes me look like a jar of Smuckers.

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Editor’s Note: Cappy Hall Rearick is a humor columnist for the Lowcountry Sun in Charleston, South Carolina. She is the author of four published books. Visit her at www.simplysoutherncappy.com.

Cappy Hall Rearick

“PUTTIN’ ON THE GRITZ”

Cappy Hall Rearick was born in Orangeburg, South Carolina. She was an English major at the University of South Carolina and later became a Flight Attendant for American Airlines. Some years later, she moved to Los Angeles and then to Pennsylvania. In 1994, she returned to her beloved South to settle in St. Simon’s Island, Georgia with her husband Bill.

Cappy, an award winning short story writer and syndicated columnist, is the author ofseveral successful columns, including:ALIVE AND WELL IN HOLLYWOOD, TIDINGS, SIMPLY SOUTHERN and PUTTIN’ ON THE GRITZ monthly in the Lowcountry Sun Newspaper in Charleston, SC. She also writes an e-column called SIMPLY SOMETHING.

Cappy is past president of the Southeastern Writers Association. Her recently published novel, THE ROAD TO HELL IS SELDOM SEEN, a 2012 nominee for the Georgia Author of the Year, is available at www.amazon.comin print and can be downloaded and enjoyed at Kindle, Nook and all the electronic readers. Get ready to read and do nothing else because it’s a page-turner!

She is writing her next book, BRIDGING THE GAP, a psychological novel of deception and suspense. The SIMPLY books (SIMPLY SOUTHERN; SIMPLY SOUTHERN EASE; SIMPLY CHRISTMAS) are bound to make you laugh and maybe even tear up a little bit, especially if you enjoy remembering the good old days. With every page you turn, however, Cappy Hall Rearick will bring the South alive for you.

Rearick holds membership in the Georgia Writers, South Carolina Writers, Atlanta Writers Club, Florida Writers, North Carolina Writers and she is a sitting Board member of the Southeastern Writers Association.

In addition to writing, Cappy is a popular public speaker and can breathe new life into those good old days for your conference attendees. She is a dynamic creative writing instructor and is available to teach classes in column writing, Southern fiction, humor, memoir and short story writing. She brings forth fresh ideas to match her imaginative ways of turning a phrase. Book her now … and breathe new life into your next writer’s conference. Attendees will learn a lot, laugh a lot and go away itching to write better than ever.

If you would like to receive a monthly column of SIMPLY SOMETHING via email, send your request along with your email address to Cappy at: cappyhall@comcast.net She will be delighted to add your name to the preferred column list.

Read Cappy’s BLOG at: simplycappy.blogspot.com