Humor
Stick a Fork in Kitchen Renos
The survey numbers don’t lie. 82% of married couples say renovating their kitchen increased the value of their home. 18%– husbands with big screen televisions– said, “We have a kitchen?” Everybody agreed: the kitchen makeover pushed their family debt to a level equal to the rate of inflation found in the countries Putin invades. So let’s examine wh...Read More
Readers, Readers, EVERYWHERE!
It began with a pair of purple-and–tortoise-shell readers. According to my latest numbers, I could no longer indulge in Ben & Jerry’s Fudge Brownie Ice Cream, Nathan’s Fries, and Tate’s Mint Chocolate Chip cookies. I had to do something. So I bought a pair of funky purple-and-tortoise-shell readers. Peepers.com had dubbed them Goo ...Read More
Travellers Worst Woes: Luggage Zippers! by Gary Chalk
Full disclosure: I am ‘Zipper Challenged.’I was diagnosed last week while on an Alaskan cruise. Early symptoms of Zipper Challenge are evident from the bedroom when packing. Husbands scream, “Dear, do we need this much clothing?” On the ship more symptoms appear: fits of anger when attempting to open multiple luggage zippers...Read More
Flingin’ the ‘Ole Shot Put
I don’t know what you did last night, but I had a track and field tournament. Well, field. I have a 16-pound shot put that I fling to keep fit, and in hope one of the neighbors will call the cops to report Paul Bunyan is loose. My only competition was a second-grader up the street whose heave could be measured in inches, and a squirrel that chose n...Read More
Don’t Hyphenate ME…
Memo to family: Do not hyphenate me. I’m talking tombstone here. You have permission to take advantage of the early-bird special and buy the slab of rock. You do not have permission to carve in the year of my birth and leave the rest blank. There’s enough pressure in my life. I don’t want to take a stroll in the graveyard and see “Mathews” on the s...Read More
Laverne's View: Let It All Hang Out
My friend Sue was in her mid fifties when she decided she wanted to be an exotic dancer. I did my best to talk her out of it, but she had friends who danced – all younger than she – and they were making great money, so she thought she could, also. Her goal was to work until she saved enough to open a specialty bakery. Then she would qui...Read More
Workmen’s Tools: Definitions With A Twist!
If you’re “After Fifty” there’s a good chance you’ve handled some workmen’s tools along the way. Here are some definitions that are bound to ring true to many of us. Enjoy!! BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright ...Read More
Aging – with Humor and Grace!
Every day that passes, each and every one of us gets a little bit older. Our approach to this “inevitability” tends to fall into one of two groups. In this first group, we welcome this transition to aging and valiantly celebrate our increasing wisdom. In the second group,we fight this natural phenomenon tooth and nail. (Note sometime th...Read More