Humor
Repairing the Deck – with Dead Elephants!
Fake news… Home designers describe a deck as ‘an extension of your home; an outdoor oasis for entertaining your friends with summer drinks and canapés.’ Makes a guy want to puke! Real news… Your wife describes your deck as ‘a place she won’t put her Pier 1 eight-piece rattan furniture set with sun-resistant fabric cushions that match the brick mort...Read More
10 Funny Father’s Day Quotes About Being a Dad
Father’s Day is coming up soon, and what better way to express your feelings than what comedian have to say? Read on for our top ten here! ”Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” Jon Stewart “Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed ...Read More
A “Rain-A-Geddon” Weekend
Today’s Living Retired is presented by the Umbrella Manufacturers Association whose slogan is: ‘We keep making umbrellas because you idiots keep losing them!’ This past weekend residents in the Midwest and eastern North America suffered through three days of torrential rainstorms! How bad was it? Well I know you’re going to...Read More
How Many Candles This Year?
It’s birthday time. For me. I need to think fast. Can I cross the date off the calendar without anyone noticing? Go subway surfing without a phone until the day is over? What about claiming that my birthday is fake news? I was born in the winter – don’t you remember” No luck. It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to. The only thing I want to cele...Read More
The “Did You Poop Your Diaper?” Sniff
The good news: the snow has melted. The bad news: the mounds of mud on your front lawn makes it look like there was a tractor pull! The good news: April showers bring May flowers. The bad news: your sump pump breaks down! The first sign the sump pump malfunctioned– which is a nice word for ‘#!¥#!’– is when you return from yo...Read More
Louis C.K. wonders how the Wright brothers would react to complains about airplanes
Louis C.K. marvels at how far technology has advanced and wonders how the Wright brothers would react to people complaining about air travel.
7 Things Our Parents Said on Roadtrips
Baby boomers were raised going on family summer road trips.Our parents wanted the family to travel through the countryside– enjoying roadside picnics overrun by ants and staying at motels overrun by spiders. Kids just wanted to get back home and play with their friends. To accomplish this they would sit in the backseat of the car and perfect the ar...Read More
Top 5 Conversations Couples Have When Traveling
The Luggage Zipper Council of America– whose motto is: ‘Way More Is Way Better!’– has discovered the top 5 conversations every couple has when they go on vacation. The findings are published in their report entitled: ‘Women Are From Planet Matching Soft-Sided Luggage; Men Are From Planet Missing In Action When Packing.’ The first page of the report...Read More
10 Super Funny Cartoons About Getting Older
10 super funny and awesome comics about getting old, grandparents and grandchildren.
Prostate Removal. Real Life – and a Bit of Humor!
In the summer of 2016, Mathews learned that his PSA (an enzyme produced by the prostate) was dangerously high. The best course of action, the family concluded, was a radical prostatectomy to remove the organ as well as surrounding lymph nodes. This was done in the (very) early morning hours of Nov. 1 at a hospital in Carmel. The 67-year-old Mathews...Read More
