Dear “OH CAROL:”
He is 10 yrs older than me, very abusive physically & mentally until about 8 yrs ago the physical abuse stopped. I have not had the courage to leave even though ive asked several times over the yesrs for a divorce. He plays me with his health and the age difference. Every one inc my children has wanted me to leave. I now have the courage but he still plays the ‘pitiful im 67 with a mild heart condition’. He has never provided me with anything in this marriage, not even a wedding ring. I need a bit more courage.
LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:
Dear “Needing Courage:”
Linda Ronstadt and many others crooned “Poor poor pitiful me” – How dare he pull the pity card on you. If anyone should be chanting that phrase it should be YOU!!
I won’t ask you why you didn’t leave years ago. Unless someone has been in your position, they should reserve judgment.
There are many reasons why the abused person stays. Often financial – where will I go? How can I afford to leave? And of course we don’t want to rock the boat for our children, even though seeing their father abuse their mother is way too much rocking to begin with, somehow the abused still feels better staying than going. It isn’t easy to just up and leave especially when the kids were young.
BUT NOW – they are grown and you have their blessing. They are telling you to leave! They want their Mama happy and at peace and away from this horrible man.
All the years and all the abuse entitle you to enjoy the rest of your life without him and without the abuse. So what if he is older and has a MILD heart condition? He gave you a MAJOR heart condition putting up with all his crap for 32 years! What difference does his age and health make? Should you stay with him for HIS sake? NO WAY! It’s your time now.
You have the courage. Remember the Cowardly Lion? He discovered that he had it all along and so do you!
You are young!! Throw away the garbage and make the second half of your life a masterpiece! And once you do it, go out and buy yourself a beautiful ring!
Yours 4 Love,