Dear OH CAROL:
I’m a little embarrassed about this “ but here goes. I met someone online who I’m growing to really like. The problem is he lives about 4 hours away by car. I’ve traveled to meet him, and he’s traveled to meet me. So for now, at least, we’re sharing the commute. As much as I like him, though, the commute is killing me. I travel one weekend, he travels the other. I’m exhausted when I get back and I’m no good for anything for a good couple of days. And the cost of the gas and the tolls is contributing to my pain level. There’s a bus service that I might be able to take, but it’s expensive “ more expensive than if I drove. I’m on a really tight budget (I’m putting my youngest through school) and don’t want to say good-bye but I don’t know what else to do. Help!
LOVE ˜N LIFE’S OH CAROL ANSWERS:
Dear ˜Squeezed Wallet:’
I’m not sure what you are embarrassed about but if it’s online dating, relax. We "after fiftiers" are the largest growing presence in online dating. Everyone’s doing it!
OK, now onto your situation.
I’ve been there and I totally get it. I dated someone that wasn’t as far as 4 hours but there was still a bridge between us with a hefty toll and it was during the height of gas prices. He couldn’t come to me because I had a child at home and he wasn’t in a financial position to pay for my gas or tolls. Pardon the pun, but, it took its toll on me!
After that ended and I was back on the dating sites, I avoided men that lived anywhere that required a bridge. Some that were interested in me would offer to pay my expenses but being who I am, I felt uncomfortable with that offer particularly since I knew that once I would arrive, he was then going to treat me to dinner, and a nice weekend (should a relationship develop)-
I felt the financial pinch as far as what spare money I had for my child. THAT bothered me more than anything. Why should she pay for my needs? You said you are on a tight budget and that you have a child in school that requires support. Do NOT put your child in financial distress.
So, unless your man has unlimited money or he is willing to make the trip to you more than you go to him, I am not sure you can work this out. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are very difficult. Heck, nearby relationships can be difficult, add a few hundred miles and the high cost of travel to it, it’s a wonder anyone can make an LDR work at all. I don’t know why but whenever I think of LDRs, I always think of little Fievel the mouse singing:
Somewhere out there,
if love can see us through,
then we’ll be together, somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true.
Yes, I am a romantic. A little sappy, I know! How about you suggest to him that you visit him once a month and he comes to you the rest of the time? Be as honest as you are comfortable being as to why, and see what he says. Love works both ways. If he is as interested in you as you are in him and doesn’t have the same financial challenges, then he will understand. Another option, but one that costs money, is to meet halfway and stay in a hotel. Depending upon costs, that might be feasible too.
Good luck. Hang on and hang in there!
Yours 4 Love,