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LOVE ‘N LIFE: A Discretion Dilemma

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I’ve got a dilemma. My wife has had several affairs over the years.  Each time she tells me that’s the end, then another one starts.  Now that our 2 daughters are grown, I’ve decided to divorce and be done with it. My daughters will probably ask why the divorce. Should I tell them the real reason?  I don’t know what else to say to them but the truth.
A Discretion Dilemma 



Dear Discretion Dilemma:

You DO have a dilemma! You say your girls are grown but that is a subjective term. Are they late teens? College? Or are they in their 30s with families of their own? How they receive information such as this makes a huge difference as to what "grown" means. I always think it’s best not to burden kids (of any age) with our adult problems. If they really have no clue that their mother cheated on you, I really don’t see a reason to take your wife down (in your kids’ eyes) just to make you feel justified. This may not be your motivation but that is the underlying end result.

I would simply tell them that you and your wife have not been happy for many years. I would also advise you to encourage your wife to make one last effort in presenting a united front to the kids by sitting down and telling them together.

I’m once again thinking of that Sonny & Cher song "You better sit down kid."

This way, if they have questions, you can stand by your words and continue saying that it’s been a long time coming, you were BOTH not happy, etc. Should they ask if anyone cheated, let their mother field that one. If they are to find out, let it be from her and not from you. You take the high road. In the end it will have you coming out on top! I wish you well.  Let us know how it turns out.

Yours 4 Love,
EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as Oh Carol for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at

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