Laverne's View / Lifestyle & Retirement / Senior Living

Laverne's View: The Final Talk

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Recently, we hosted the third in a series of three life-altering, talks. The first TALK was the SEX TALK, back when my children were pre-teens. It left me traumatized when I learned that they knew far more about the topic than I did. 

The second TALK was about DRUGS. I had been actively involved in a Drug Awareness program in town and, consequently, my three teenagers had been educated in how drugs could jeopardize their health. They knew I was savvy when it came to recognizing drug use symptoms: red eyes, runny noses, lethargy, so when I officially sat them down, it was only to drum into their heads what they already knew. 

I had no reason to suspect my perfect children had anything to do with drugs until I reiterated the fact that long term use of marijuana affects fertility in both men and women, and one of them whispered, “Adoption is good.”

And now, decades later, Mighty Marc and I prepared for the third TALK: the most difficult to give, and hardest to listen to. The WILLS and LAST WISHES TALK. 

My dear husband thought my decision to gather the children together for this disclosure was unnecessary. I disagreed. I had been Executrix twice: once for my brother and once for my mother. Each time it was like navigating through quicksand. In both cases I spent close to two years wading through volumes of papers: town and state records on taxes, birth and death certificates, mortgages, leases, loans, health care, life and car insurance policies, jewelry appraisals, stocks and bonds, Living Wills, and so much more. 

I didn’t want our children to have to search for vital information through every paper in every folder in every file in our desks and on our computers. I did not want them to have to guess who our lawyer and doctors were, or hunt for names of friends and relatives who might offer clues that lead to vital information. I did not want them to decide where our funeral or interment should be. Grieving is difficult enough without having to endure hundreds of added stresses. 

We invited the children to dinner that included a great deal of laughter. During dessert, Mighty Marc started the TALK on a positive note, letting the children know that we are debt free: house paid off, no credit card debt, car paid off, and not only do we have long term health care, we have fully paid for crypts. 

We heard several sighs of relief and, to my surprise, one daughter-in-law was crying. I thought it might have been from relief of learning she would not be paying off our debts and hospital bills, but she later disclosed that the topic of our impending deaths was terribly sad for her. I was deeply touched. It was no picnic for us, either. 

There was a light moment. When we disclosed that our only debt was the one car we lease, my son-in-law said, “Wait a minute. Car leases are for three or four years. Is there something you’re not telling us?” We laughed, and assured him we were in good health, but had decided that we would continue to lease one of our two cars. 

After years of nagging, crying and begging, Mighty Marc had yielded to my pleas.  He put together a  packet that included every bit of information I would need should he die before me. He purchased a cloth folder from Staples, with a number of pockets; each one large enough to house manila folders. He labeled each folder: INSURANCE, LAWYER, REAL ESTATE, STOCKS, IRA, CHECKING AND SAVINGS ACCOUNTS, LIVING WILLS, SAFE DEPOSIT BOX, etc. and while we saw no need for the children to look into the packet, we advised them that it would be at our lawyer’s office when the time came. 

Neither of us had looked forward to this FINAL TALK. We had prepared ourselves for questions that might be confrontational, challenging or just plain uncomfortable to answer. They never happened. To our delight the evening went smoothly and lovingly, and while it was far more difficult to talk about than the SEX and DRUGS talks, this talk left our heads a little less cluttered, and our hearts a great deal lighter. 

I am now prepared to die, but I can’t ever imagine being ready to die.
__________ 
Editor's Note: Laverne H. Bardy is a syndicated humor columnist. Visit her at www.LaverneBardy.com. She's the author of “How The (Bleep) Did I Get This Old?”  Her articles appear regularly on AfterFiftyLiving.com. She blogs for the HuffingtonPost.com and is also a columnist for RetireEarlyLifestyle.com, Shrewsbury.net, and WritersBeat.com. Copyright, Laverne H. Bardy, published with permission.   

Laverne H. Bardy’s humor column, Laverne’s View, has been syndicated with Senior News Wire Services since 2004, and is read in newspapers throughout the United States, Canada and India. She wrote for 50 Plus Monthly, a regional New Jersey newspaper, where loyal readers laughed at her humor from 1999 to 2009. Currently she blogs for Huffington Post’s “Fifty” section, and writes for us here at  www.AfterFiftyLiving.com, as well as www.RetireEarlyLifestyle.com and www.Shrewsbury.net.

Laverne began her writing career in the mid 1970’s, when she was asked to write and edit Hotline, the Parent/Teacher newsletter at the school her children attended, in Livingston, New Jersey. During that same period she wrote one play, collaborated in writing another, and worked with the Livingston school system’s psychologist to write a series of Behavioral Modification skits that were presented to parents and teachers of the student body.

Laverne wrote human interest stories for West Essex Tribune and The Newark Star Ledger for a stretch then went on to join the staff of Northern Horizon’s newspaper.

Some publications Laverne’s work has appeared in are Reader’s Digest, Mature Living, Montage Magazine, Northern Horizons,Woman’s Hockey, Big Apple Parents’ Paper, The Daily Record newspaper and New Jersey Jewish News. Anthologies include Chocolate for a Woman’s Courage, Rocking Chair Reader, Bedpan Banter, Story House, and Craft of the Modern Writer. She is currently working on a book, How the (Bleep) Did I Get This Old?, a compilation of her columns, life stories and ramblings. Laverne was interviewed by Bottom Line Retirement, twice.

When she is not writing Laverne gives talks and humorous readings in coffee shops, libraries, and for various organizations and workshops. Some of her topics include: Growing up in the Fifties, How to Get More Humor in your Life, and The Joys of Aging. Talks about the joys of aging don’t usually last more than thirty seconds.

Laverne was nominated for publication in the 2006 edition of Marquis Who’s Who of American Women.

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