Dear “Oh Carol:”
My husband, hero, knight in shining armor, passed away 4 years ago. I am so lonely, and ready to date. My last, first date was 30 years ago. When do men of our age generally expect to get intimate, as in after how many dates? While I am open to intimacy, I need to know this is someone with whom I will be in a committed relationship.
It’s Been More than 30 Years….
AFL’s “OH CAROL” ANSWERS
I am sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds as if you had a truly wonderful marriage. You are quite fortunate.
“When do men of our age generally expect to get intimate, as in after how many dates?” Your question is an interesting one in that there really is not “general” answer. If they expect it too soon they come off like wolves. If they sit back and wait for the lady to make the first move, they come off too passive. The poor guys can’t win! Some have told me that if a woman doesn’t “put out” on the third date they won’t date her again. As you can imagine, men like that rarely get a 3rd date!
What it really boils down to is CHEMISTRY & TIMING. This seems to be quite elusive. You feel it, they don’t. They feel it, you don’t. You’re ready for a relationship and he is just getting out of one or recently widowed. He’s ready and you’re not. It’s that special and rare one that comes along and you both feel it and the timing is right for both of you!
In your case, you also want to be sure that you don’t jump into anything too soon in an effort to heal. “See me, feel me, touch me, heal me” As I am sure you know, only time and the desire to heal can do that.
If a man is pushing you for physical intimacy and you are sure you are not ready, you must tell him. If he can’t or won’t accept that then he isn’t the man for you.
Getting physically intimate for the first time with someone at this stage of life can be very scary at first. We are older, chubbier, droopier, and have battle scars be it external or internal that we didn’t have all those years ago. What we need to remember is that they are also older, chubbier, droopier, and scarred. And men have the additional “joy” of erectile dysfunction which is way more common than most people realize.
So, now, aren’t you glad you asked? I hope this helped. Wishing you great love with great passion!
Yours 4 Love!