Dear “Oh Carol:”
My husband retired recently and now goes to the gym several times a week. He’s also making some new friends there and frankly, I’m very pleased about it all. Except for one thing. One of his new friends is widowed and he had a girl-friend who he treated poorly. She left him and now he’s playing the field. My husband comes home with “reports” on how Lou’s multiple (yes, multiple) dates went the day before. My personal belief is that this is not appropriate behavior – either doing it or sharing the details. I told my husband I don’t want to hear about this or be a party to it. But he just keeps talking about it. Am I doing the right thing by telling my husband not to share this stuff with me? And why does he keep insisting on talking about it?
Gym Gossip? Not for Me!
AFL’s OH CAROL Answers……
Dear “Gym Gossip? Not for Me!”
I have so many retorts running through my head so I am going to just let’em fly.
First, who made you the ruler of what is and what is not appropriate behavior over Lou? It’s Lou’s life and my guess is that he’s getting his bragging rights in when he shares the details of his dates with your husband and probably all the other guys at the gym. As as divorced woman myself, I can tell you that some guys in our age bracket think it’s cool to tell about the many women that are interested in them. It’s probably never happened to them before and they’ve discovered that they are somewhat of a commodity (especially if they’re reasonably attractive and live reasonably well). Is it jerky? YES! But they do it anyway. C’est la vie.
With that aside – I say count your blessings ~ on many levels.
- you have a husband
- you have a husband who cares about his health
- you have a husband who considers you a friend and confidante. (Listen ooh ah ooh do you wanna know a secret)
Many women your age would be thrilled with any one of those and you have all three! Again I say, count your blessings.
You asked me why he insists on talking about it? That I can’t answer, My guess is that he isn’t “hearing” you and that one is on him. I am sure it is upsetting to you to not be heard and this probably is NOT an isolated example. You may want to address your needs with him.
That being said, he has stories to tell and wants to share them with YOU! Think about that for a minute, let it sink in. Ask yourself why don’t you want to hear the “Lou stories”? I bet your husband feels really shot down when you tell him that you don’t want to hear what he has to report. What do you care what Lou does? Find the humor in it. Maybe even find the spice in it (wink) and enjoy!
Yours for Love, Carol