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Be Heard / feature posts / Relationships / Relationships - Advice to love! / Sex & Romance

First Date Blues!

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First Date Blues!

I’ve talked about pre-dating, i.e. writing your profile, getting ready to date, and spotting scammers. Now it’s time for the real deal. You’ve put your feet in the dating pool and you’ve had some dates. Some good, some not so good, most just so-so but for whatever reasons there were few second dates, whether it be by your choice or not. It’s very common so don’t be discouraged. Today we are going to discuss BAD dates. These are real stories that actually happened to me or to friends, so come along and join us on our BAD DATES!

ISSUE:  Reverse Dorian Grey?

Both men and women are guilty of posting photos from long ago although (based on my own experience vs my male friends’ experiences) women are far more guilty of this crime.

Q:  Do you think it’s because society seems to accept a man’s aging more readily than a woman’s? Does that make us feel that we need to provide “alternate facts”?

So what do you do when your date shows up and looks WAY different (& not in a good way) than their photo? I had that happen once. When I drove up, I saw him standing outside the restaurant and he looked at least 15-20 years older. I made one big mistake; 1) I hadn’t spent as much time getting to know him before meeting him, it was an impromptu date.  I didn’t just drive right past him when I saw him, although I should have because in addition to posting old photos, he was also very rude over dinner. Live and learn!

ISSUE: How much time do you spend getting to know someone before committing to a first date?

To cover both sides, I asked two male friends of mine to help me out with this article.

My friend “M” told me that he arrives early and positions himself to see the front door so if his date shows up looking significantly different than her photos, he can leave. At first I thought it was rude (to leave) but he said if people are going to lie they should accept the consequences. I had to agree.

It actually happened to him once and he did, in fact, leave. The woman contacted him later that night, thinking she’d been stood up, and asked him what happened. His diplomatic reply was to say that no one who looked like her photo came to the restaurant.

Q:  Do you agree? Do you think people set themselves up for hurt (or disappointment) by not posting recent and realistic photos?

When I asked my friend “B” what he would do if his date looked 20 years older than her photos, he said he’d just end the date early. One particular time he arrived at the agreed upon place and unknowingly walked right past his date because he didn’t recognize her (based on photos). She noticed him and called out his name. Being a gentleman, he stayed and ordered them each a drink. In the course of their conversation he mentioned that she looked different from her pix. She then turned on him and became angry, crazy, and very rude. At that point, he excused himself to the men’s room and left. He later received a nasty email from her. NUTS!!

I’ve had dates show up disheveled, in need of a shower and shave, reeking of cigarette smoke, stained clothes, rotten teeth, sweat pants, and dirty old sneakers. Unbelievable right? How anyone could leave their house looking like that is beyond me, but to show up on a date like that?? I once met a guy with breath so bad that I had to bury my nose in a giant red wine glass just so I didn’t have to smell it!

You may ask what did I do? I stuck it out but cut it short. I usually set first dates to be a drink and appys. If your date is that horrific, I might suggest feigning a tummy ache or saying you’re not hungry because you had a big lunch. Have a quick drink, excuse yourself to the bathroom so that when you come back you are already standing and can shake their hand, politely say thank you, nice to meet you, and then go. ALWAYS BE POLITE because you don’t know them and you don’t want to give them any reason to get angry or nasty. And then go home and listen to the words of Taylor Swift – ♫ SHAKE IT OFF, SHAKE IT OFF♫

One of my most memorable situations was with a GREAT guy! We had so much in common and laughed a lot both prior to the date and on the date. All was great, that is until he used the white cloth restaurant napkin to blow his nose. Not only do I find nose blowing disgusting (particularly on a date and at the table) but some poor busboy has to handle that boogered up napkin.  Adding insult to injury, a trickle of blood appeared so I had to choose: look at it or tell him. I chose the latter. Instead of excusing himself to the men’s room to take care of it, he picked up that same WHITE cloth napkin and continued to blot the blood coming out of his nose! I thought I would die!!

Don’t fret when you have a bad date. Write it down and find the funny in it!

Do you have any bad first date stories to share? How did YOU handle them? 

Do you have a question for Carol?

Our Love ‘n Life Pro, Carol, is an After Fiftier who spent almost 10 years as a professional matchmaker. She also experienced separation and divorce around the time she was turning the big “5 – 0.” With her divorce finalized, and her experiences as a professional matchmaker serving as a backdrop, she entered into the world of online dating, as the industry was just gaining a foothold. “It was probably easier for me to jump into online dating than for many others. I also find that my background makes it easy for me to talk with the men I meet online.” She has experienced many, if not most, “relationship” issues both first-hand and as a matchmaker. “Helping people” helps her to recharge her psychic battery – and we’re confident that she can help you!

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