Fun & Humor
Forget the Russians….The Beeps Are Taking Over!
Beeps are on the attack. How many are there in an hour? Let’s count. I cooked dinner in the microwave – two beeps to choose the time, one for the start button, and a double beep when the food was hot. Two more beeps when I didn’t take it out it fast enough. While waiting for dinner there were two beeps when I left the refrigerator door open t...Read More
Number Love
Numbers were never my friend. Until now. In the old days I was terrible in math, messed up on calculators, and always miscounted the number of place settings at holiday dinners. I even lost at Gin Rummy. Things have changed. Today we’re drowning in numbers. From calculators, statistics, and blood pressure machines to Sudoku and card games, it’s num...Read More
“Your Call Is Important To Us”
Three weeks. That’s how long it’s been since my wife and I purchased our his and her cellphones. The first week we had a moment of weakness—similar to when the Democrats selected Hillary Clinton to be their candidate. I still don’t know what happened but we got so excited that before we knew it we were unpacking the cell phones from their box—it wa...Read More
The 3 WORST Words: Activating Your Device!
WARNING… The following contains disturbing graphic scenes: a middle-aged married couple trying to setup their new cell phones. Enough said. For the life of me I don’t know what got into Jan. But right out of the clear blue she piped up, “Gary, lets set up the new his and hers iPhones we bought.” So, I did what was natural. I gathered myself; took a...Read More
Are You Nuts?
Nuts are good for you. Experts say we should eat more nuts to live longer. Those crunchy little nuggets demand to be regulars in our lives. You can get them in any supermarket or, if you’re so inclined, go premium, natural, or organic. They’re plain, raw, roasted, salted, or served in the shell – all very respectable. Nutella and fudge nut br...Read More
The Amazing Cell-Phone Diet!
Me? I haven’t been able to control my enthusiasm. My wife? She can’t contain her sarcasm. “Gary please tell me you’re running around the house because you’re excited that for once you remembered to put the toilet seat down!” Actually it’s better; much better. I am about to join the list of great inventors–people who have brought about transformatio...Read More
O My Achy Feet
Some people have pretty feet. Others have ugly feet. By the time you’re afterfiftyliving, we all have rebellious feet. Look at it this way. Our feet put in an average 5,117 steps a day or about 912 miles a year. That means by the time you’re after 50, you’ve walked about 45,600 miles or over 16 times the distance between your favorite ice cream sho...Read More
Baseball Broadcasting – Backwards R US!
Listening to a baseball game on the radio has reached– to use medical terminology– the sphincter tightening stage. It’s like squirming watching Trump trying to read from a TelePrompTer– but way worse. Back in the good ‘ole days– before middle age men began wearing nasal strips– baseball was all about balls and strikes. Nowadays broadcasters have ta...Read More
Hallmark Heaven!
I’m lost. It’s got nothing to do like the time I pretended I had ‘man ears’ and ignored Jans suggestion: “Gary, please just stop and ask someone for directions!” It’s got nothing to do with not knowing how to use our cars GPS– that’s supposed to lead you to where you want to go, but doesn’...Read More
Baby Boomers Must Be “All Ears”
The fastest growing segment in North America– next to middle age women calling 9-1-1 to report flocks of large birds with long beaks making nests in their husbands ear hair– is baby boomers. Baby boomers were born between 1946 and 1964– in other words they were raised on canned cream of corn, chewed Thrills Gum, and watched Bonanza while dipping ...Read More
8 Steps To Wasting Your Time Trying To Grow Grass!
It’s a fact. Middle age men can grow enough ear hair to attract a flock of red-breasted meadowlarks to build a nest in our auditory canal. But ask us to grow grass in the backyard, well, that’s a different matter all together. Men appreciate a lush expanse of red fescue, perennial ryegrass, bluegrass, Bermuda grass, or even bent grass– if it’s on a...Read More
Repairing the Deck – with Dead Elephants!
Fake news… Home designers describe a deck as ‘an extension of your home; an outdoor oasis for entertaining your friends with summer drinks and canapés.’ Makes a guy want to puke! Real news… Your wife describes your deck as ‘a place she won’t put her Pier 1 eight-piece rattan furniture set with sun-resistant fabric cushions that match the brick mort...Read More