Garret Mathews

And, Your Assignment Is…..

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Garret Mathews

Your assignment today is to make a list of the absolute worst sports clichés.

Here are a few bromides to get you started:

“We’re in the business of winning games.”

“It’s crunch time in our season and you gotta dance with what brung ya.”

“(Insert name of phenom) is the real deal. I can tell you that.”

“(Insert name of phenom) is the one you want in your foxhole when you go to war.”

“We’ll just bring our lunch pail to the game, go to work and see what happens.

“We’ll just strap on the pads, snap our chin straps and see what happens.”

“We’ll just try to get to the game on time and see what happens.”

“We’ll just take things a play at a time and see what happens.”

“You never know what’s gonna happen. That’s why they play the game.”

“We’re not intimidated by (Insert name of powerhouse foe). They put their pants on the same way we do.”

“I know that (Insert name of powerhouse foe) is probably better than us on paper, but they don’t play the game on paper.”

“It is what it is.”

“I get paid to coach, not think.”

“The other team is on scholarship, too.”

“We’ve got a few new wrinkles in the playbook for this week’s game.”

“We always like to put a crooked number on the board in the first inning.”

“He used his head for something other than a hat rack.”

“Bubba really had his bell rung in last week’s game.” But he’s still the real deal, and the guy I want in my foxhole when we go to war.
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Editor’s Notes:  Garret Mathews tells us:   I’m retired from writing the metro column for the Evansville, Ind., Courier & Press. In a 39-year career, I penned more than 6,500 pieces on every subject from moonshiners to murderers. You can read some of my work by going to www.pluggerpublishing.com and clicking on the Favorites icon.  For information on other projects, click on Coming Together and FolksAreTalking on the Plugger site.” Also, go to www.columnists-stillaround.com, and, for even MORE great articles from Garret, click here!  Email Garret at garretmath@gmail.com. He’d love to hear from you!

Garret Mathews is retired from writing the metro column for the Evansville, Ind., Courier & Press. He penned more than 6,500 pieces on every subject from moonshiners to murderers and Appalachian snake handlers to mail-order brides. His legacy website (www.pluggerpublishing.com) contains links to columns – his (“Favorites”) and those mostly written by others (“Columnists: While We’re Still Around”). At “Coming Together,” you can access interviews Mathews conducted with civil rights volunteers who went South in the ‘60s to register voters and desegregate schools and businesses. At “Folks Are Talking,” you can read several dozen feature stories and columns (early United Mine Workers organizers, early coal hand loaders and a female furrier who dissected muskrats while eating peanut butter sandwiches) that Mathews wrote during the ‘70s when he worked in Southern West Virginia. He and his wife MaryAnne moved to Carmel in 2013 to dote on their grandchildren, Gavin and Ben.

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