Remember when sex was the top of everyone’s mind? The ritual of courtship had us thinking about sex all the time. When is it okay to do it, how does it work after marriage, and of course, starting a family gave it a whole new meaning. But after all this time with the same person, or even finding yourself single for the first time in decades, sex may seem more an old habit than a spicy part of life.
This a shame since sex is part of a full, satisfying life. Some studies show that people of all ages who have sex at least once a week are happier overall. So just because you feel different, you look different, and you’re not trying to win anyone over or bring a new life into the world doesn’t mean you can’t have an enjoyable sex life.
Bringing Sexy Back
Yes, sex with your spouse may be rather predictable at this point, so much that you’re not engaging anymore. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. A healthy marriage does require intimacy, and while intimacy can be found with touch, sex is, of course, satisfies touching and then some.
We get busy, lazy, and tired. It’s easy to let sex fall away. A great way to make sure you keep things spicy is to make sex dates with your partner. Timing matters now that we’re older. Maybe there are times of the day when a nap is top of the mind, or you have a lot of commitments. Maybe medicine you take interferes with arousal. Make sure to plan the date when you and your partner are both full of energy.
A sex date, like a date from youth, gives both of you something to look forward to, which adds a certain level of eroticism. All week you can fantasize about your date, prepare for it like you did long ago. Maybe you buy lingerie, or you leave a note, or a buy a sex toy. These things make the experience new, which breathes a little life into what may be a stale routine.
Changing Your Attitude
We all have ideas about what sex should be. Popular conception is that the goal of sex is for both partners to climax. While this is certainly nice, it takes more to achieve this goal in old age than it used to, and the pressure adds to the issue, making it even more difficult to orgasm.
A better way to look at it is to have a sexual experience with your partner, rather than an orgasmic one. Men have a difficult time with erections, both with firmness and longevity, so moving attention away from standard intercourse takes the pressure off of him, and adds a little variety too. Think about massages, touches, lips, and even sex toys like vibrators to liven things up. And don’t think of it as a failure. Look at it as a new way to give one another pleasure.
New Sexual Experiences
With age, what worked before might not be working so well now. That means predictable sexual behaviors. The same old stuff that used to be really exciting, is now old hat. Talk to one another about new things to try. Not sure what to do? Consider reading some erotica. You can read parts together, or just do it on your own. It’ll not only give you some ideas, but also help with any kind of arousal problems some seniors experience.
Be open-minded. If your partner wants to try something strange, just go with it, and if it’s awful, you can laugh about it. At least you tried! The idea is to share new moments with each other, which builds intimacy on its own.
Biology Works in Your Favor
In younger days, men were aroused quickly, but women took a little bit of time to catch up. These days, men have a harder time getting, well, hard. This isn’t actually so bad. For the first time, men and women are sexually in sync. So, you’re in for a longer, more sensual experience than ever before. Women will need to pay attention to men in the same manner men had to pay attention to them for all those years, which, again, changes things up, in a good way.
It’s perfectly normal for men to have a little erectile dysfunction (ED). Television would have you believe it’s the end of the world, and that all senior men are on some kind of magical pill. This isn’t the case, actually. Only 9 percent of men have ever taken an ED pill. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you, and the sooner you accept that, the better your sex will be. Here’s why: anxiety makes nerves excitable, which means you aren’t going to last very long when you do get an erection. So the sooner you relax, the better sex will be.
A final note, however, is that some men experience erection difficulties when they are obese, have diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, and high blood pressure. Improved health will keep you up and running in and out of the bedroom.