The answer is”  “Aggressive, hands-on, shirt-sleeve, results-oriented achiever.”

Is the question (a) How would you describe your tailor? (b) How would you describe your fourth grade bully? (c) What are some of the most common words used in help wanted advertising for middle management staff?

As any middle management job seeker knows, choice (c) is correct.

If you need to verify this, simply surf on over to your favorite job posting service (if you can get through the endless “internship” and “Beginner” positions) and click any link to just about any gig.  By and large, these websites cater to middle and upper management prospects.  Read the ads that you find attractive carefully.

One of the first things you will notice is that the phrases “hands-on,” “shirt-sleeve,” and “aggressive” appear, well, ad nauseam.  Frankly, if I know any one with these “qualities,” I would be extremely suspicious of him or her, and I would certainly not want to spend most of my waking hours in the company of such a volatile automaton.

Just what do companies that advertise for such beings want?  What in the world does “hands-on” really mean?  Does it describe a particularly lecherous manager?  What about “aggressive,” that most tired of business banalities?  Does that mean they want yet another ladder-climbing bully in the corporate ranks.  We already have too many of them.  As for “results-oriented,” what manager with any degree of drive doesn’t want to see the results of his or her labors?

Another desired quality in vogue among employers is “entrepreneurship.” This is merely a nod to the dreamers of the world who really want to achieve something meaningful.  It is also used in the most ludicrous of situations.  To describe, say, a product manager’s position deep in the honeycomb of some corporate giant as “entrepreneurial” is somewhat akin to saying the world is flat.  A true entrepreneur would last all of five minutes in such an infrastructure.

All of this is, to me, somehow symptomatic of narrow and unproductive thinking and promotion of American business on the subject of people.  After reading the postings at Monster, CareerBuilder and Ladders, et al, it seems that companies are in the market for a set of character traits that borrow heavily from Machiavelli.  How nuts is that?

What about the well-rounded, humane personalities that true leaders historically possess?  Maybe they are not needed…as they might cost firms some coveted short-term profits.

This kind of limited corporate thinking is further reflected in online job postings (and the few traditional adverts in Sunday newspapers) that give specialization new meaning.  Any day now I expect to see a job for a software project manager that requires a B.A., Ph.D., extensive experience in nitrogen microcircuitry, know Armenian, and be willing to travel 80 percent of the time and be a former all American, ambidextrous third baseman; or one for a marketing manager that insists on a B.S. in economics and an MBA (top schools only), five to ten years’ experience in human resources, seven years in natural resources and eight years in information resources.  This one would have to be a pretty resourceful, character, wouldn’t you say?  Probably began career training in the crib.

Funny, I always thought that concern for the individual was an inherently American business value.  You’d never know it to read through recruitment text.  Undoubtedly, the employment community’s disclaimer is likely:  “But they work!

True, but in these times what wouldn’t?  Just about any notice that promises a decent job (for some, any job that pays decently) to desperate or restless middle managers is going to elicit a ton of strong interest.

It’s just that in light of today’s economic struggles and ebbing morale, these help wanted ads and, more important, the kind of thinking they reflect, are no help at all. 
__________
Editor's Note: Michael Albert can be contacted at michaelalbert@pobox.com.

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Sailinggirl49 Great story! Really appreciate your thoughts!

May 28, 2012, 8:35 AM EDT

Frank_Lake From your photo, it's clear that you are a young, inexperienced whippersnapper, probably a recent high school graduate, with little or no real-world business experience. (And no, I'm sorry, but a paper route doesn't count.) Get back to us in about 20 to 30 years, when you're as old as I am now, and we'll see if you feel the same way. I'm betting that your view of the world will have matured with age.

May 30, 2012, 12:21 AM EDT

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