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My husband had had an elevated PSA on and off for the past 5 or so years. It had gone down and then, this year, suddenly risen; on examination the gland felt enlarged. We were sure it was BPH, which we'd dealt with before. The urologist we saw thought the prostate felt suspicious and scheduled a biopsy.

My husband had a biopsy on April 15. The follow up appointment wasn't until May 4 because of school vacations for the providers' children. Scott has been through every medical condition known to man - or at least it seemed that way to me. No way, I thought, could he possibly have cancer. No one in his family had/has cancer. We were sitting in the examination room joking when the urologist came in with a plastic drawstring bag. He took a book out of the bag and sat down. I looked at the title of the book and went into complete shock. "I'm sorry," the urologist said, "you have cancer." I began to cry. Scott was mad  - "stop it!" he said to me.

Scott had been diagnosed with Stage 1 prostate cancer with a Gleason score of 8, which means it's too aggressive to leave alone. Because he has colon problems, radiation therapy was not an option. Surgery was scheduled for August 16 - what seemed like an eternity away.

Scott had a radical prostatectomy last week. Thanks to a really gifted surgeon who refused to give up, the procedure was done laparoscopically. He is in the recovery process and is wearing a catheter. We have an appointment with the urologist tomorrow. I am really scared - even though the lymph nodes examined and removed at surgery were cancer-free.

We've been married for 10 years. This diagnosis has been a catalyst for a lot of emotional upheaval. We've always had issues - not different from most couples - but his diagnosis came five months after my father died and I've had a bit of a breakdown. You always hear wonderful stories about couples whose bonds have been strengthened by going through an experience like this. I don't know if we'll be one of those success stories. I think prostate cancer affects husband and wife, in different ways. Suddenly I am obsessed with cosmetic treatments and Scott is starting to make cracks about my having an affair.

My husband's surgeon did the best he could to spare the "hard on" nerve bundles, but with an aggressive cancer, you have to get everything bad out and unfortunately there is probably some collateral damage. I feel like prostate cancer has just blown our relationship out of the water. We are living day by day; the next milestone is the catheter finally coming out. After that, I don't know how our relationship will evolve.

Scott is a really brave man, but he is fatalistic and angry and I don't blame him. I have lost my Dad to myelodysplastic syndrome and renal failure brought on by radiation cystitis from treatment for his prostate cancer. My cousin just succumbed to brain cancer and my Mom has just had a suspicious skin lesion removed with pathology results pending. Suddenly everybody is getting cancer. Scott talks about having cancer all the time. I try not to think about it. Every time he says he has cancer, I imagine that people are looking at him like he's already dead.

I am not a nice woman. I am sheltered and have been spoiled my whole life. I still expect some cosmic rescuer to arrive to fix everything and make it all nice. I am not a poster child for a virtuous wife or an emotionally healthy person. I would like Scott to talk about his experience and I mentioned this opportunity to him. I would like you to see how he has dealt with the latest in a series of health challenges.

My mammogram and colonoscopy were free of any signs of cancer. It seems so unfair that I should be healthy and my husband should be sick. Scott makes me laugh and is the most undistorted mirror I've ever stood in front of. He deserves to be a cancer survivor.

__________

Editor’s Note:  Anne informs us:  “the surgical follow up appointment was fine. Additional tissue removed was free of cancer. There may be a small amount of disease remaining near the area where the prostate connects with the urethra but the surgeon thought it might just be debris from the prostatectomy and doesn’t believe that it is a separate manifestation.”  Our best wishes to you both, Anne!

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