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Instead of enjoying chocolates and love notes, I spent Valentine’s Day 2004 suffering in a mountain medical clinic with a fractured shoulder, a head injury and a broken heart. I’d gone skiing to escape the painful dissolution of my 35-year marriage followed by a failed rebound relationship, but instead of lifting my spirits, the vacation soured when an out-of-control skier crashed into me on an intermediate run. At 62, I felt helpless. My expert skiing ability hadn’t protected me on the slopes, and my decades as a psychologist hadn’t saved me from emotional breakdown.

One doctor predicted I’d never fully recover from chronic headaches, shoulder pain and short-term memory loss. For the first time in my life, I was totally dependent on others for help, and it was terrifying. But then I realized that after years of mothering and counseling others, I’d lost the ability to accept help and identify what I wanted for myself. I had a choice: I could give in to despair, or I could use my family and friends’ support and the healing methods I was learning to get my body back, as well as my sense of self and optimism for the future.

As I did shoulder exercises at physical therapy, requested my daughter keep me company at home and called friends for help when I got disoriented in my own hometown, I was determined to disprove the doctor’s prediction. I prayed daily, repeated and wrote positive affirmations, and allowed myself to dream of a future filled with more professional accomplishments, travel and adventure.  Within three years, my shoulder was healed, my headaches were minimal and my short-term memory was improving. I noticed something: Dozens of my middle-aged friends, colleagues and patients were encountering difficult and painful experiences of their own. Their lives were interrupted by divorce, the deaths of loved ones, difficulty with children or unexpected career changes.

As we live longer and middle-age has grown from one decade to three, the number of transitions, tragedies and prolonged illnesses we experience are more numerous and impactful than ever. And women, outliving men and more frequently taking on the long-term care of ill spouses and parents, bear the brunt of the stress. I decided to write a book about my own “crash” and resurrection - drawing on my knowledge of psychology and the many tools I found useful in healing myself - as a guide for other women navigating mid-life. As I wrote the book, I also began to seek out new adventures. I went to Vietnam and Thailand to give a talk about resilience and reclaimed my love of snowshoeing and skiing. Now, at 70, I ski with my grandchildren, speak throughout the country and am planning a trip to Vietnam and Cambodia with my sister.

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Editor’s Note:  The book “Midlife Crash Course,” by author Gail C. Feldman, PhD., is about how Gail used her breakdown to fuel her rebirth, and it includes unique “self-care” tips for optimal health, well-being and resilience. It’s available in stores and at Amazon.com. Visit Gail’s website: www.mifdlifecrashcourse.com.

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