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The enormous bed, with its fine sheets and white comforter is anything but comforting, after the death of a spouse. Widowed over two years ago, I could not scrunch across the vast, white, cool Siberian spaces of the marriage bed after his death, until this spring. I stayed so far on “my” side that one night I actually tumbled onto the floor.

As the weeks and months passed, as the seasons came and went, as my feelings shifted from sheer agony to agony to dull pain to tentative smiles to genuine smiles to sweet memories and laughter, I tried very hard to articulate what I missed the most, in my widowhood. I missed HIM. I missed the lifestyle, the laughs, the hugs, the dinners, the shared films, shared friends. Most of those things had evanesced from my world, with his passing. The bed remained. It had been the marriage bed of my late husband and his own late wife, from roughly 1964 until her passing in 1989. And then this bed had been our bed from 1990 until 2008. The lovely, carved, enormous bed had stories to tell. Stories of love and loss, of illness and fear, of passion and arguments, of silliness and grief.

And as I thought about what I so missed, it hit me. I missed HIM, and I missed all the wonderful nights there. The love. The companionship. The joy. The sharing. Those were all qualities…qualities that could be found again. Out there in the wide world. No, of course, I could not bring back my delightful husband. Nor could I find someone else vaguely like him. But I could start to look for a way to refill the emptiness with more love, companionship, joy, sharing. It would take some time. It would take great patience and courage. It would also take precaution and common sense. It would take the desire to survive and move forward.

I have heard that a widowed person who was happily married is more likely to look for and or live with or marry someone, sooner, than a widowed person who was not particularly happy in his/her marriage. I was very happy. I wanted a new person to hug, to hold, to whisper to, to put into the big bed. This was not an immoral desire. This was survival.

I think I have found him. The finding involved online dating, a search, a treasure hunt. And I panned and panned in the shallow streams of modern life, carefully, cautiously, quietly. A nugget of gold appeared one day. I am blessed. The bed no longer feels huge and empty. It CAN be done, this search for new companionship. Let no one deter you, discourage you, or make you feel “wrong.” It is perfectly, perfectly right.

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SharonAS I also have survived the loss of my husband. We started dating in high school and went on to be married for 40 years. He was the love of my life and at first I thought I could not survive without him. Because I am a person of faith I left my life in God's hands and after three years of pain, He brought me a gentleman to love and cherish in a way I thought I could never feel again. SharonAS
1 like this.
Mon Aug 30, 2010, 1:39:00 PM EDT

carolzonie A story of great love, and more importantly, great survival and the will grasp life and LIVE! Carol
Sat Aug 20, 2011, 9:11:14 AM EDT

Cheri 9 weeks this Thursday my best friend, lover, father to our daughters, the funniest man on earth left my life forever. Memories are just not enough to fill the fullness of joy he gave me, but it will have to do.

I too want to love again. Not so much because I have great faith in humanity, I'm a bit of a skeptic, but because I love sex!

There honesty is always the best policy. Not going to go jump at the first thing, I'm not cheap, but with time and the shared experiences, hopefully will let me have some of what I had before, minus raising kids!! yay! =)

I'm only 55, maybe I could have another baby!
What? am I crazy?
Pretty much!
That's the sign of a truly crazy nut, you answer your own questions! LOL!

I believe the statement I just read in an earlier comment, happily married people are more likely to want to find a new love quicker rather than lingering.

But really, after almost 50 years with someone, marrying just to have someone take care of you is selfish and hurts so many who counted on you to carry the loving relationship bonds to heaven with you.
Never mind, old family wound from my past!

OK, I think my bi-polar just kicked in and I covered it all.

To each his or her own.
Never be it for me to tell someone what to do.
We all dig our ditches too quickly sometimes, so be smart! It might cave in on you.

All that glitters is not gold!
I've got a lot more cliches but I'll stop there!

Tricky thing relationships.
Best of luck to all those searching and wanting it, but being alone is not so bad sometimes either if you have your extended family and friends. Lot less complicated.
But God did say it was not good for man to be alone, so He gave him woman!
It's nice when it's good but horrid when it's not!
Sun Mar 4, 2012, 7:43:51 AM EST

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