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First, it’s really hard to be down in the dumps about the News of the Cancer because I have been living with Multiple Disabilities and Illnesses since 1990.

When I got the News from the VA Hospital, over the Telephone, at about 7:00 A.M. it was like Receiving/Watching the News. It Sounds bad but now what?

Thankfully, being a Disability Advocate, I could already Predict Gloom, Disaster and Chaos would be on the Horizon and it was and still is.

As I mentioned, I have been ill since I had a Heart Attack in my Police Cruiser in 1990. Later, the Strokes began and it’s been downhill ever since.

I am a U.S. Army Disabled Veteran, so the VA Hospital is “Supposed” to care of me but after almost (11) years of Transporting me in my Wheelchair, they decided to Stop.

Before, I was just “disabled” but now I’m “Terminal” and you can’t give me a Ride to Surgery, wow !

I am 53, a gentleman of Color, Divorced, I Live Alone besides my Assistance Dog: Tank, Father of Two and Grandfather to Twins that turned One Year Old in September.

My Income is SSDI and an Embarrassingly Low Amount from the VA for Busting up my Right Hand in Basic Training. Interestingly, their Foolishness resulted in them having to Provide Medical Care for me for the rest of my Life.

Anyhoo and back to the Topic of Cancer.

I know I have Prostate Cancer.  The VA Hospital just isn’t sure. They made two additional Discoveries of Masses but then when Surgery was Ordered, those Masses could not be found.

So, being that I don’t have “Sucker” written on my forehead, I went and found another Oncologist or should I say additional Oncologist.

I was Warned by the New Oncologist that if the PSA Level Spiked, since I was an Inoperable Patient, I was looking at Castration and guess what? That’s what I got.

Odd, the Doctor didn’t even remember me and the Nurse kept telling me different Readings for my PSA. I guess, I should have been paying more attention.

Anyway, after the Massive Dose Injection of Lupron and watching the Nurse put the Hypodermic Needle in the Refuse Box and then watching it and the Room burst into Flames, I was alarmed but after she ran out and left me in the Room, I got the clear distinction that maybe they were not looking out for my best interest.

…but then again, this is the same Doctor that I remember asking:

Would the Castration affect my Sexual Ability and his Smug Answer was: You’ll just have to see.

Yet, then again, he doesn’t even remember a Black 265 Pound Retired Police Officer with a Grey Beard that comes in to his Office with a Mint Green Massive Electric Wheelchair and an Assistance Dog.

So, I entered the 2nd Phase of the Castration and all Hell began. The Nurse did mention it was a Massive Dose and that I would Notice a difference. No, not just a difference but Hell.

Women may understand it as Menopause but the same Product that set that Room on fire was doing the same to my Body and it is/was Intolerable.

…and you have to Return every (4) Months for Continued Doses for the rest of your Life, I don’ think so.

During a Follow up Visit, I asked the Question:

What would happen if I Stopped the Injections?

Answer: The Cancer would then continue to Spread out of Control.

So, let’s Weigh the Options.

1) Living each day in Hell

2) Cancer behaves as Cancer Behaves

Decision: No more Injections.

Finally, after a few Months, the effects started to wear off (thank God) and I actually wanted to Kiss a woman again. Oh, did I forget to mention that Key/Crucial Element of Castration. Your Testosterone Drops to Zero and your Interest in the Opposite Sex also drops to Zero.

…and believe me, as a man that Appreciates the Opposite sex, it’s not a Happy place, especially if you are married or are in a Relationship.

Thankfully, my Partner was really Adult about it even though I sensed it was really Frustrating her.

Oh and don’t let me leave out what most of you are also fighting over. Insurance Benefits Cancelled, No Transportation, Foolish Hospice Agencies that treat you like a Terminal Cash Cow, Home Health Care AIDES that don’t show up, Rob you or just Steal everything in your home.

So, let’s hear it for the Most Famous Quote, by an Unlikely Character: Charlie Brown: UGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I now Understand and I Really Appreciate as both a Advocate and Patient. I will just be Glad when it’s over because it’s Really just too too much and the System makes it that way and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

…but then again, that’s the Cancer talking.

Notes:

I welcome your Input.  Also, my Brain Injury forces me to write in an Odd manner of Capitalizing Key words for Effect.  Odd but Interesting!  Perhaps a Legacy/Trademark. 

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