I lost my husband 7 months ago and now my father 3 days ago.
My 19 year old daughter seems to be oblivious to my pain and goes on with the name calling and insults.
She is leaving today to meet a guy she has met on the Internet and spending a week with him at his college dorm. Don't know how they are getting away with that but my nerves are past their breaking point. I can't reason with her so I have to let her go and pray for her safety.
I have been battling such depression and thoughts of suicide.
I am not that selfish and I know the pain it would leave behind and I love my family too much to do that so I have reached out for help but the problems are still there.
I am in such a mess I cannot even fathom holding down a job so I am trying to get disability. I wish I could see a brighter future for my life but right now it doesn't exist.
I know dealing with death happens more as we age but I'm only 55 and this seems way too much too soon.
Anyway, thanks for any words of wisdom and ideas to focus on to help my brain feel connected to reality again.
carolzonie(((i'm so sorry))) when I lost my teenage son (bicycle accident) 12 years ago, i couldn't breathe, couldn't see straight, and yet work seemed to be my happy place, where I could go to forget my life for a bit. Reaching out is important I think to your survival, and I hope it helps. I spent a lot of time on "webhealing.com" which is maintained by a man who wrote a book about how men deal with death. The message boards there are from other parents walking the same path, and there is a board for spouse loss. I recommend it highly. Everyone deals with loss differently...that's the one most important thing I have learned. Kids deal in a different fashion as well. "Grief brain" does make it hard to remember things, so I wrote everything down so I wouldn't screw up my job. Even if you can volunteer somehow, to put your pain "on a shelf" for a bit. Best of luck...(((understanding hugs))) Carol
Aug 14, 2012, 8:14 AM EDT
luchitoI am so sorry about your loss. My wife and I lost a twenty month old son, suddenly. It was devastating. At that time my work helped me to "forget" some of the pain for short periods of time. As time went bye, life was much easy to carry: pain and everything. Friends and family have helped me to recover. Somebody told me: when you lose your elders you lose your history when you lose a child you lose your future.
Aug 17, 2012, 11:49 AM EDT
dagokidI am sending out wishes that your cherished memories of your loved ones will in time bring you peace and comfort and then joy for life once again. no matter how old we are, loosing a loved one is very hard and each person we loose does not make it easier at all. TAKE CARE of youself and know that someone In Pittsburgh cares.
Aug 17, 2012, 6:05 PM EDT
barbaraal25I will be praying for you...... you have been through alot and need support and love.. it is difficult to let go and let God... so hang in there.. I lost my sister 5 years ago and my mom last year.. my dad is sick and there is a difficult family situaton... I fight feeling depressed and pray everyday.... working out and keeping my mind busy with positive things...feel free to call or email me anytime.. email@example.com.... 281 685 2506.,..
sometimes we just need ssomeone to listen and be there for us...
Aug 19, 2012, 9:19 PM EDT
rikmidSweetheart my wife and I are praying for you! The only thing I can suggest is for you to get extremely involved at your local christian church. It may be hard to do but for some reason when you see and comfort people who are hurting and have more problems than you it helps to take your mind off of your own problems.
Aug 20, 2012, 9:54 AM EDT
shimmiesgirlI am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am a marriage family therapist working with grief clients everyday. I do not come to you today from a professional perspective but from a perspective of prayer because that's what you asked for. To me that lets me know that you are going to be alright. I am definitely praying for you. I can tell you that I have learned so much from my clients and the one thing that I can say is that everyone has a different personal way of grieving. Young people in particular. Right now you have to find a way to take care of you before you can help her. she needs you, her mom, yes...but she needs you healing and working toward wholeness. Think about how when we are on a plane the flight attendant tells us in case of an emergency place the oxygen mask over your own face first and then help others. so first you must fight for your own breath. I urge you to find a grief group where you can meet with people whom, though they will grieve in their own way, may still be able to understand your pain and help you find ways that may help you cope. Try to focus on the good memories of both your husband and your Mom. I imagine it must be terribly difficult to deal with two losses of significant people in your life at one time. I imagine your mother would have been an intergral part of helping you heal from the loss of your husband. Find ways to accept the reality of the loss and then allow yourself to feel the pain and soon you will be able to find ways to heal. At our agency we work with the Four Tasks of Mourning. Google that on line. It is from John Worden. This speaks to the idea that there are certain tasks one must go through in order to heal. I hope some part of this is helpful to your but I will do the thing that I believe works best...prayer. God bless you and your daughter and your healing. Believe there will come a time when it will not hurt as bad and the memories turn to the joyous things about your loved ones.
Sep 23, 2012, 1:49 PM EDT
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