What's that expression - the road to hell is paved with good intentions? It felt that way to me. Many times when I THOUGHT I was being helpful my efforts were not met with much enthusiasm by those I thought I was helping. In some cases the person was down right angry.

I use to be the Queen of Good Intentions. I was quick to point out a better way to handle a problem, a more efficient way to tackle a task, a problem with someone's housekeeping skills, or anything that seemed, to me, to need correction. At best I'd receive a polite but stiff "thank you." At worst I was told to mind my own business in pretty blunt and off-colored terms.

Most encounters left me with hurt feelings. After all I was just being helpful; I was doing it for the person's own good. Right?

REALLY? For them? Or was that just a way and means for me to FEEL good about myself?

It was a bitter pill and a humbling experience when I faced the fact that my good intentions were only about me and not about true help and service to another. No wonder the reception to my brilliant intentions didn't meet my expectations. Bummer!

"So what was the answer?" I wondered: " How could I TRULY help and serve others? What magical means could be employed to know what someone needs and when they need it? "

After pondering, meditating and ruminating on this dilemma I discover a huge ah-hah revelation:

ASK! That's it. If I think a situation calls for my intervention don't plunge - ask. I found that simple questions such as "Is there anything you need help with?" "Can I help at all?" were good for starters. And for those I know well questions such as "Would you like to know what I see/think?" were pretty effective. But in all cases the key was asking for their permission to share, serve and help.

The other big ah-hah for me was acceptance. And that acceptance is two-fold:

First of all, if someone says no they don't want my input then I don't give it. Period. Even if I believe that I know with every fiber of my being that I have a solution, I don't force the issue. I respect and honor that person's response while letting them know I'm here if they change their mind.

Secondly if they do want my help I stifle my desire to should and shouldn't them to death. What works for me is to ask more questions, really listen to their answers and try addressing a specific point; less generalizing, pontificating and preaching - more focusing, discussing and brainstorming.

My days of good intentions were valuable lessons in how NOT to serve others. What a wonderful gift to receive.

What's your experience with good intentions and helping others? Care to share?

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