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I turned 50 in March of 2007. I don't know what I expected, but something.  It happened about 6 months later; my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I can't say I was shocked - she'd had both breast and lung cancer prior to this diagnosis. She died a scant five weeks later.  Within 18 months, I lost my father to a massive, incapacitating stroke, my lifelong counselor to retirement, and my older brother to nascent rabid homophobia (let loose, it would seem, by the loss of our parents and no longer any need to keep it in).

After 50, and these losses, my life became entirely different in a way I could never have predicted - I became free, never understanding I was shackled.  I no longer looked for approval from an elder figure, I simply stood on my own.  I realized that I'd long neglected the most important person in my life, my partner of now-27 years.

My priorities changed, and with them, my world view.  I'd spent much time shifting parts of myself, trying to stand somehow different in relationship to my mother, my father.

After 50, I became free.

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