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Here from where I sit, I often contemplate and reminisce all the while being perplexed as to all that is happening in my life right now. How do I say good bye to the almost 29 years of marriage that has gone wrong?  In a few days I will be standing in front of a judge being announce " Marriage dissolved!"........ How do I go on? Yes, it was my final decision to divorce, but I feel as tho I will be carrying a huge baggage where ever I go. If time comes for me to enter a new relationship, who will except my baggage???  I will not be able to get rid of it, ever! We have 2 grown children and a beautiful grand child. He will always be a reminder of my 29 years of marriage gone wrong and for the fact that we are the parents of our 2 girls which means he will be in my life and I am in his for as long as we both shall live!  So how do I say good bye to the hurts and say hello to the coming years with peace??? How do I clean out my baggage so to not be too over whelming ??? I don't know how to go on........ how to sort, and organize and compartmentalize so that I can move on from here??  These are the questions I often ask my self, and pray God will help me to see the road ahead of me more clearly.

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lwwings Give yourself a gift of some time and space to begin to heal . . . the wound is still too fresh to even contemplate probing into it . . . Just "let things be" for right now . . . probably 6 months or so at least. The hurt WILL get better for you over time.
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 9:56:06 AM EST

harrielb You're going through some painful changes but it's not going to always feel the way it does at this moment. Let the changes occur in you. Be kind to yourself. Accept support from those around you. Do what feels right to you. I would suggest a support group for divorced women if there's one in your area. You might want to talk to a counselor. If you have a spiritual faith, praying would be helpful and calming. But keep in mind that you're going to heal. There are very few of us who reach "a certain age" without some baggage. There is still a very good life for you. Embrace it!
Mon Jan 16, 2012, 10:36:26 AM EST

southerngrits It has been six years since I divorced my husband of 25 years and it still hurts. And you are right they will always be in your lives because of the children and grandchildren. It took me five years to be in the same room with my ex without much anxiety and tears but I have learned for the sake of my children to keep my thoughts to myself.
Just yesterday I received a few chapters from a book my cousin is writing about job hunting from a Christian perspective and he spoke of forgiveness. I have struggled with this one for many years.....I would tell myself that I had forgiven my husband but I would never forget and I think that holding that thought has held me back. My cousin quoted this scripture from Mark 11:25-26 which has really opened my eyes...maybe it will help you
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoings. But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your wrongdoings."
I think peace may come through forgiveness.
Sun Jan 22, 2012, 3:07:33 PM EST

southerngrits It has been six years since I divorced my husband of 25 years and it still hurts. And you are right they will always be in your lives because of the children and grandchildren. It took me five years to be in the same room with my ex without much anxiety and tears but I have learned for the sake of my children to keep my thoughts to myself.
Just yesterday I received a few chapters from a book my cousin is writing about job hunting from a Christian perspective and he spoke of forgiveness. I have struggled with this one for many years.....I would tell myself that I had forgiven my husband but I would never forget and I think that holding that thought has held me back. My cousin quoted this scripture from Mark 11:25-26 which has really opened my eyes...maybe it will help you
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoings. But if you don't forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your wrongdoings."
I think peace may come through forgiveness.
Sun Jan 22, 2012, 3:07:50 PM EST

carolzonie I divorced after 28 years of marriage, and my ex was that guy everyone thinks is a great guy. Our marriage wasn't "horrible" but we grew apart and when I begged him to "be with me" as I was going through menopause and empty nest (1 daughter), he wouldn't. He later says he was having his own midlife crisis, but neither of us could be there for the other. My way of moving forward in life: don't think of your past as "baggage" but just the lessons you've learned in life to bring to the table to any future relationship. Anyone you meet will have the same sort of experiences in their history, you'll have to decide how to handle that as well. I actually have a decent relationship with my ex now, and wish him and his girlfriend all the best, truly from the heart. I care for him greatly and missed him a lot when I first left, almost to the point of wanting to go back to him. But, I truly believed that moving forward was the better choice, and I'm glad I chose that route. You are in a wonderful position to re-invent yourself and go in whatever direction you choose. If something were to happen to my current relationship, I think I would want to go live on a beach somewhere! (((hugs and all my best!)))
Tue Feb 7, 2012, 8:08:48 AM EST

carolzonie I divorced after 28 years of marriage, and my ex was that guy everyone thinks is a great guy. Our marriage wasn't "horrible" but we grew apart and when I begged him to "be with me" as I was going through menopause and empty nest (1 daughter), he wouldn't. He later says he was having his own midlife crisis, but neither of us could be there for the other. My way of moving forward in life: don't think of your past as "baggage" but just the lessons you've learned in life to bring to the table to any future relationship. Anyone you meet will have the same sort of experiences in their history, you'll have to decide how to handle that as well. I actually have a decent relationship with my ex now, and wish him and his girlfriend all the best, truly from the heart. I care for him greatly and missed him a lot when I first left, almost to the point of wanting to go back to him. But, I truly believed that moving forward was the better choice, and I'm glad I chose that route. You are in a wonderful position to re-invent yourself and go in whatever direction you choose. If something were to happen to my current relationship, I think I would want to go live on a beach somewhere! (((hugs and all my best!)))
Tue Feb 7, 2012, 8:08:55 AM EST

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