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CELLULITE: A RITE OF PASSAGE

LAVERNE H. BARDY

Cellulite: A Rite of PassageI received a photo attachment in an e-mail that showed a senior couple, probably in their late seventies, standing on a public street. He wore a leather motorcycle jacket, jeans and a billed cap. We only saw her back. That, gratefully, was more than enough. She had curly white hair, wore a faded jean jacket with a biker insignia on it, and short shorts that exposed her entire behind; I mean entire. It looked like she was wearing denim dental floss. The top back of the shorts included two vertical rows of decorative cut-out designs that treated us to even more of the same. It wasn’t enough that every inch of her flabby overweight body was covered with heavy duty cellulite, but this half naked Senior Biker Chick, with bare ass, and naked legs, topped it all off with black orthotic, laced shoes.

Careful examination revealed that this was not a touched up photo. Shadows and the way bodies were postured indicated that it was, indeed, authentic.

My instant reaction was to laugh out loud, and feel a degree of revulsion. Viewing her body was not the way I would have preferred to start my day. How dare she walk around like that in public. Didn’t she own a full length mirror? Didn’t her husband have eyes and a mouth?

I forwarded the photo to 83 of my most intimate e-mail buddies so they, too, could spend the day with that image burned into their brains. Reactions came back rapidly. “Eeeeeuuuw!” “Oh my God!” and “Please kill me if I ever become so senile that I believe I’m still a babe,” were some of the kinder responses.

I recalled seeing something similar while on a cruise. There was a group of five overweight senior women, leaning against the ship’s railing, sipping fancy pastel colored drinks, and laughing. They each wore skimpy bikinis. None of them draped towels around their midriffs to hide flabby rolls and upper thigh cellulite. And since they weren’t accompanied by Seeing Eye Dogs I felt safe in assuming they could each see.

I shook my head and puzzled at how these women could allow themselves to be seen that way. Had they no pride? Weren’t they even remotely embarrassed?

On the contrary. It was obvious that these women were perfectly comfortable in their bodies, had no concern about what others might think, and no interest in concealing who they were. Their indifference and confidence were almost sexy.
I viewed them from a nearby deck chair where I reclined in a manner that prevented my thighs from resting on the chair and, thereby, spreading to their full width. I wore one of my four black, one piece bathing suits and had a beach towel available for immediate coverage should I decide to unbend my knees and allow my thighs to relax.

After a few moments of inappropriate staring I realized that I dearly envied these European women. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be comfortable in my own skin; to live in a country that accepted midriff bulge, cellulite and upper arm wings as proud Rites of Passage into feminine maturity; as rewards for doing those heroic things that men have never been able to accomplish: bear children, retain water, and clean clumps of residue food from the kitchen sink drain.

I dream of a society that is able to close its mind and eyes to the ravages of age and abolish current unwritten dress codes for both older and overweight women. I want my grandchildren to live in a country that embraces a woman’s right to walk without straining to hold in her stomach, to not have to sit with her legs crossed in ladylike fashion if her thighs struggle against such attempts, and to not be embarrassed to expose her naked upper arms without having to first purchase flight Insurance.

Gee, I guess I want the same rights that men already have. 
_________

Ed. Note:  Laverne H. Bardy is a syndicated humor columnist.  Visit her at www.LaverneBardy.com.  Copyright, Laverne H. Bardy, published with permission.  


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housekat Hey cellulite is part of being human. If that sight bothered you, do not go to the events I go to. I go to BBW parties, BBW lingerie shows, BBW fashion shows, BBW everything. I am always in the environments of women size 1x, 2x and 3x. Thats my ideal. Other groups of women size 4x and up can be found through the states with their share of Admirers. NYC has about 17 clubs where women size 14 and smaller are not welcome. After 1988 Large women have had their revolution and no longer hide under tent dresses and moomoos. In 1994 Matt Lauer and Al Roker went around the USA and came back with a list of the Top 25 Thin Cities and top 25 BBW or Large cities. The thin cities are primiarily in beach areas mostly on the West coast and the places where large people thrive and are Adored are in the Metro areas in the midwest, south and east coast. I happen to be one of the many admirers of full figured, plus sized, and BBW women. As we can find all sorts of fabrics in the store with all sorts of patterns and textures, I see womens flesh as similar. We have a multitude of different flesh textures,colors, and such. No one particular woman can be a role model for all of Womankind. Everybody out there is different, one of a kind, genuine, and special. No one out there is better than the other just different. Men do not all want the same figure. If every man had a woman similar to the other guys, then they would have less value because they would not have the uniqueness they have by being different. Different is not synonymous with wrong, or ugly. What was not so much a adorable sight to you, would have satisfied the eyes of many. Me and the men I've run into in the following states: NY, NJ, CT, IN, MI, IL, NE, TX, AR, MS,GA,TN, KY, MD, DC, PA,OH, and NC... all of the men I have met at these different BBW events. Not one of the men that I know would date a woman who weighs less than 180 lbs. Our chosen women are between 200-325. Soft, Warm, Cuddly, Snuggly, Buxom, Voluptuous, Curvaceous, and they are more to love, more to adore and more to hold. We are proud of our Real Life Teddy Bears in female form.
Tue Mar 6, 2012, 3:19:23 PM EST

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