I'm a book lover, and I especially love children's books.   My favorite class in college was Children's Literature, popularly known as KidLit today.  Class assignments required me to reread many of my favorite classics from childhood, and then some.  Whose idea of work was this?  My love for kiddie lit continued to grow through my teaching career and into motherhood.  I'm convinced that the best lessons in life can be taught with a children’s book.

The Three Questions, written and illustrated by Jon Muth, is one such book.

It was as I entered the empty nest stage that I discovered this book.  At the time, I was doing a fair amount of peering into the rear view mirror. Filled with nostalgia, I yearned for the good 'ole days before my children had the audacity to grow up and leave, and the house still pulsed with family life.

This in itself is ironic because when my kids were young I often looked to the future:  planning dinner, thinking about next week's schedule of ballgames, music lessons and orthodontic appointments - all those necessary things which keep a family going.  I could have used the lesson from this book then too!

Muth's deceptively deep book is based on a short story by Leo Tolstoy. In The Three Questions, a boy named Nikolai struggles to find the answers to three of life's hardest questions:

·         When is the best time to do things?

·         Who is the most important one?

·         What is the right thing to do?

The story describes Nikolai's quest to find the answers from a variety of animal friends, all whose answers had personal meanings specific to each of them.  In the end, Nikolai discovers the answers himself through an adventure, and with the help of a mentor placed in his path, the wise old turtle, Leo.

·         When is the best time to do things?
The best time to do things is now.

·         Who is the most important one?
The most important one is the one you're with.

·         What is the right thing to do?
The right thing to do is to do good for the one standing by your side.

And I had an epiphany.  By looking backward I was missing out on the opportunities of today.  Opportunities like helping another, or sharing laughter and new adventures with whoever happened to be by my side.  By not being open to today and a different stage in life, I missed making new friends or learning something new.  Likewise, when I strained to see what's around the bend I missed noticing and appreciating the richness of life that surrounds me in the present.

It all boils down to living in the now.  It comes as no surprise that those who make it a practice to live in the moment are happier.  I’ve read that we are more exuberant, more empathetic and more secure when we live in the moment.  Further, by anchoring awareness in the here and now, we reduce the impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems.

One of my favorite movies is Shadowlands because it's based on the life of a favorite author, C.S. Lewis.  In this scene, Lewis (Anthony Hopkins) has this to say about happiness:

"I don't want to be somewhere else anymore.  Not waiting for anything new to happen.  Not looking around the next corner, the next hill.  Here now.  That's enough."

And Joy (Debra Winger) says this in return:

"That's your kind of happy, isn't it?"

The Three Questions helped me reach the kind of happy that living in the now brings.  And being on the other side of 50 helps too.  I relate to the words of Mother Teresa now on a deeper level:  Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow has not yet come.  We have only today.  Let us begin. 

Yes.  Let’s begin today to live in the present, to embrace whatever and whoever crosses our path.  I guarantee that the nest will stop feeling empty.  And should we ever forget this important life lesson, we can simply pick up a children's book and do a little required reading.
__________
Editor's Note: Visit Candyce at her site, http://candycedeal.com.

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carolzonie wow! I can relate to this on many areas. The best thing I ever learned about is "mindfulness" or living in the moment. When my menopausal brain starts racing, or becoming anxious, I stop and look around...smell, see, feel where i am NOW, and it really works. Keeps you grounded. What a great story!!

1 like this.
Jul 25, 2012, 8:06 AM EDT

shrinkess Absolutely tremendous philosophy, but somewhat influenced by your age and having enough time to THINK. I don't know about you, but when I was a young mother, I was extremely busy DOING the present. No real time for reflection.

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Jul 26, 2012, 3:43 PM EDT

Sassa I intend to go looking for that book to give three young families I know. Also whenever I send congratulations on a new baby, I send two pieces of advice, 1) enjoy every moment, it will be gone too soon, the laundry, dirty dishes and whatever will be waiting for you, 2)buy a notebook and sometime during each day write down at least one memory of the day.

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Jul 29, 2012, 12:39 PM EDT

CatieR Empty nest...oh my. I don't know if I cried harder when my children moved out, or when they moved back in. :) Ah Literature. I could discuss it forever. I was my saving grace in college. It was only in college that I discovered Lewis and Tolkein. (can you say late bloomer?) My mother was big on literature and I had read most of the classics by age 18. But, I didn't discover the full treasure trove of literature that's out there until later. I made sure my children knew the great stories of all the authors before they reached high school. -Life is a hoot.- So now they have no time to help clean this house. They are too busy reading! So many books, so little time. Thanks Candyce!

Jul 30, 2012, 2:55 PM EDT

CatieR I should address the issue of living in the moment. Truly life is a vapor. It can change in a NY minute. My children and I learned that the hard way. One night our loving Patriarch, my husband, their dad, bid us all goodnight and died immediately afterwards. I'm glad it was a long standing ritual at our house to always bid good-bye to each other and to say "Goodnight, I love you." We aren't promised the next minute.

Jul 30, 2012, 3:01 PM EDT

candideal What a wonderful ritual! Too often we take too much for granted, telling ourselves there's always tomorrow.

Jul 30, 2012, 4:43 PM EDT

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