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Definition of 'mature' in online dating.

It is slightly different from 'senior' which has more of an age implication, though the two terms usually apply together. We don't in general mean people who are looking for a partner much older than themselves (this is relatively unusual and a specialised dating area).

In our terms, mature people are those who have reached a stage in life (which may not be age related ie senior) after they have experienced one or maybe more serious long term relationships - they are probably parents, and very probably have a divorce (or two, even more) in their background. They have worked for a living for quite a few years and learned the lessons of the workplace - indeed their career might still be continuing or even ended. They seek a partner who is round about the same age or of the same generation. They may well have a clear idea of the type of person they are seeking - their attributes, habits and interests - eg happy guy, must be able to laugh at himself, solvent, like country and western music, food and wine.

They are probably over 30 in age, maybe a lot older, but remember that there are people who can be mature (using our definition) even in their mid twenties. Hence not 'senior' but 'mature'.

So, they have a rich collection of 'baggage' - lessons learned, a seam of good and bad memories, probably family and established community relationships and networks.

Compare this with people who are younger and still looking for the 'right' person first time around. Their career might not yet be established, and with social and community networks being less developed they are more flexible about moving home and less 'set in their ways'. They probably have less specific ideas about what they are looking for in a partner. Conversely, mature people may attach less importance to things such as wealth, perhaps having formed the opinion that money doesn't buy happiness.

How does mature dating differ?

Usually, mature people engaging in the online dating process have relationships which have ended (many would say failed),often with pain attached. Any pain will have instilled caution and a natural desire to avoid similar situations again. Pain might originate from, for example, infidelity, addictions of one sort or another (drugs including alcohol, gambling, sexual addiction even addiction to sports), unpleasant personal habits, lack of shared interests. Quite often there will also be a desire to avoid people who remind them of a former partner.

Also, we have the simple fact that getting to know someone really well takes time - there is so much more personal history to exchange between 'matures'. It can be quite wearing meeting a new person every week, and listening to their painful divorce history and about their family issues takes energy. Taking that forward further, we come to the point where two family networks are being melded - that is a lot to absorb and manage.

As we said earlier, mature people tend to be older and see life as more finite and passing more raidly. This can cause a pressure to 'get on with it'. This opposes the caution bred out of any historical pain which may exist.

Some mature people may have a sense that they have already experienced the 'real love of their life' and this could get in the way of a successful new relationship because of the high standard by which it is being measured (ie their 'real love of their life').

Finally, there is availability of time. With family and social networks on both sides, it can be challenging for some to find time for the dating process and developing a new relationship. This can be extremely frustrating for some people, and if you are serious about finding a new partner then you will have to set aside serious amounts of free time and be flexibile about it. This means that someone starting out on the mature online dating process may have to reconsider their priorities in other areas.

After all, showing flexibility is about demonstrating a positive attitude to a potential partner and the importance of that desire to find a partner, in one's life.

(c) 2010 Phil Marks  - About the Author:  Phil Marks.  Online dating experiences, tales, tips and guidance from an keen observer. Over five years online dating history with several online dating agencies. Interested? You can enhance your understanding of the process and pitfalls => http://www.eZeFriends.com  Source:  http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/tips-for-mature-dating-success-1991793.html

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Southerngirl Life is a journey and a work in process. Sometimes the journey can be very painful at times, but one has to have a positive attitude and move on to bigger and better things. One must learn from their mistakes and forgive oneself for those mistakes in order to move on. I have learned to forgive myself from those mistakes in life, therefore giving others an opportunity to come into my life without being judgemental.
Wed Dec 29, 2010, 8:33:46 AM EST

Tony Southerngirl, you make a very good point about dating and life in general.
Wed Mar 30, 2011, 8:23:46 AM EDT

LovesToRead Learning to forgive yourself is one of the hardest things there is, it is far to easy to get caught up in past errors.
Sat Apr 2, 2011, 10:33:56 PM EDT

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