HOW YOU FLIRT SPEAKS VOLUMES
SHARON JAYSON
Some flirts are just needy.
"One meaning of flirting can be 'I am interested in you and I am communicating that interest to you.' Another could be 'I don't feel good about myself.
I don't feel attractive or confident and by doing flirtatious behavior, I want feedback as to whether I'm right or not.' Some people want you to confirm their negative views of self. And there are some kinds of people who just have flirtatious personalities." -- Sociologist Terri Orbuch
A glance that lingers or a smile at a stranger can set in motion a future relationship, a short-term dalliance or just an awkward moment.
It all depends on who's flirting with whom and whether signals are appreciated. Sprinkle in a little conversation and those cues can reveal just what kind of flirt you are.
New research published in the current issue of the journal Communication Quarterly identifies five types of flirting behavior, based on responses from more than 5,020 heterosexual adults.
"The flirting styles inventory is for the very first stage of romantic development," says co-author Jeffrey Hall, an assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas-Lawrence.
Studying how people initiate relationships is important: "It could be linked to the ultimate quality of relationships," says Paul Eastwick, assistant professor of psychology at Texas A&M University, who wasn't involved in Hall's research.
Participants completed questionnaires about their flirting and partners. Flirting styles identified:
*Physical: These often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to partners.
*Traditional: These believe men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Both sexes tend to be introverted.
*Polite: Less likely to approach a potential partner; aren't flattered by flirting, but do tend to have meaningful relationships.
*Sincere: Strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry; relationships are typically meaningful.
*Playful: These often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance; find flirting fun and enhancing to self-esteem.
Those who were strong in the physical, sincere and playful styles were associated with "more dating success," the research found. The physical and sincere styles were associated with "rapid relational escalation of important relationships with more emotional connection and greater physical chemistry."
The study doesn't suggest one style is better. "One is more effective than another, depending upon what you want to achieve," Hall says.
Flirting is more complicated because of technology, suggests Terri Orbuch, a sociologist in Michigan. She says texting doesn't let people hear a tone in the voice or see body language, which can lead to misunderstandings.
"People have a more difficult time figuring out if someone is merely being friendly or is sending a sign that they're interested," she says.
(c) Copyright 2010 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc.
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