Dear “OH CAROL:”
The mother of my daughter’s best friend passed away about 3 months ago.  She was 59 and her illness was long and agonizing.  This woman’s husband (according to my daughter) was simply wonderful throughout his wife’s illness.  Even though she spent her last days in a nursing home, he visited with her every morning before he went to work, and every evening before he went home.  I’ve been single for 5 years and I would like to call him and get to know him.  (Even though our daughters are best friends, we didn’t socialize or get to know each other much.)  I think it may be too soon to call him now, but how long should I wait?
Would Love to Get to Know Him



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear ‘Would Love to Get to Know Him:’

How long? That is such a personal thing. How long should anyone wait to do anything when someone suffers a loss? This is a tough one…too soon and you risk being the transitional relationship, or his grief counselor.  Not soon enough and he might be the type that the next one that comes along is THE one. They say that patience is a virtue but sometimes it bites you in the tush. I hear Axel Rose in my head singing "Said woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine.  All we need is just a little patience."

But in a situation like this, waiting too long might not work either. Then again, for all you know, he may already have had someone all along to help him through his wife's long illness. I hope not but it isn't uncommon.

Why don't you make a wonderful meal and send it over with your daughter! Get the perfect card and write a note, Say something like "I thought it best to wait a while to send this. I imagine that the first few days, weeks, after your loss people sent you a lot of meals, hugs and phone calls but it might've dwindled down to none of that now. So I'm sending you a little something thinking perhaps you could use a home cooked meal." Use words that you are comfortable with. You don't want to appear like a vulture. Be patient!

Yours 4 love,
Carol 
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

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