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Dear “OH CAROL:”

I have been widowed since 2005.  We were together for 27 years.  I am lonely but not sure how to go about meeting new friends.  How can I put myself back out there and still fill safe in my own skin?
Widowed For A While



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear “Widowed For A While:”

I am sorry for you loss.  I am not sure if you are a man or a woman but I think my advice would be similar either way.  As I've suggested before, always start with friends and family. Let them know you are ready to start dating or getting out. Being alone over 6 years is a long time  You are due for some adult company that doesn't include one of your friends going to the mall. I am sure the loss after 27 years left you in a fog for a long time. Start telling people that the fog is lifting - "I can see clearly now the rain is gone."

Another recommendation is meetup.com. Browse through that site based on your hobbies, or things that appeal to you. Do you like movies, or reading, or hiking, or dancing? Look around for all the things that look interesting to you. It costs nothing to "join" the online group and they will send you email notifications about their upcoming events or meetings. Some of the events could cost something but often it is a nominal fee depending upon the activity.

Of course there is online dating. Some of the free sites are plentyoffish.com and OKCupid.com. Singlesnet.com is mostly free. You can pay for sites like match.com or eharmony.com. Personally, I don't recommend eharmony for people in our age bracket. I think it always best to start with the free sites. I have tried most of the pay sites and free ones. Often you find the same people so why pay for it?

How do you pick?

Having run a dating service for many years, I am astute at reading between the lines. Most “wackos” give themselves away in their profiles. There are some loony ones out there so you do need to be careful. Never meet anyone until you've spoken a few times. If you are a woman NEVER give out your home phone number (you address can be tracked with it). Use your cell or dial *67 before placing a call and it will block your number on caller ID.

When meeting, ALWAYS meet in a public place and have your own car. If you don't drive, ask a friend or relative to take you.

Online dating can be fun and you can make new friends.  Just be careful that you don't get caught up in window shopping and never 'buying'. You will be fine and it will feel good to get out again.

Your 4 Luv,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

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