Dear “OH CAROL:”

I was happily married for almost 25 years.  My husband died 2 years ago and I’ve just started dating.  This is a whole new world for me.  I don’t have any idea as to what’s accepted practice.  At this point, I’m meeting my dates in neutral territory, we go out to eat or see a movie and then I get home by myself.  What I really want to know is when is it okay to invite someone I’m dating to my home.  I don’t want to look pushy.
When to Take Him Home

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear ‘When to Take Him Home:’

I am so sorry for your loss. You are more fortunate than approximately 50% of us (divorce rate) to be able to say that you had a happy marriage for 25 years. I am sure you are grateful for that time together.

On to dating-- Good for you to get back out there again. As for protocol, so far you are doing the right thing! Neutral territory, take your own car, always be safe. Of course there are never any guarantees of safety. We've all heard the horror stories of people trusting others after knowing them for a long time and then something terrible happens. But those are exceptions. Usually when something isn't right, we feel it. As we tell our kids , trust your instincts. If you feel the tiniest bit that something's amiss... LISTEN to it!

As for looking pushy, just let things develop naturally and you will know when it feels right to invite him to your home. See how the dates progress. Sometimes it all feels good on the first and second dates and then on the third date he picks his nose or wipes his face on his sleeve or displays a temper. If that doesn't bother you, then by all means- have a 4th date! What I am getting at is that YOU need to feel comfortable enough with a date to invite him to your home and that takes time. I would also advise that when you do invite someone over, that you let a friend or neighbor know. You can pre-arrange that you will text or phone them (or have them phone you) at a specific time to check in and confirm that all's well.

Best of luck to you and, as The Supremes sang, "You can't hurry love.”

Yours 4 Love,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com. 

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