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“OH CAROL:”

Jack is 59 and I’m 56 and we’ve been living together for the last 4 years.  I have a very good job and I pay most of the bills.  Jack’s job doesn’t pay very well and he’s not happy with it but he’s not motivated to do anything to change things. In addition, I’ve “been there” for him both times when he was hospitalized for depression.  Jack doesn’t have motivation for anything anymore.  I have to nag him to take his meds, to pick up his clothes, and lots more.  And frankly, I’m tired of being his caretaker instead of being his girlfriend and lover.  When I tell him I’m tired of all this, he reminds me that he never asks me to do this stuff - but if I don’t, who will. I want out - but I don’t know how to tell him.
Tired of All This


LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Tired of All This:

This is so mean,  but the first thing that came to mind was "Hit the road, Jack."

Of course you can't be so blunt.  Depression is not an easy diagnosis.  Sadly for Jack, it is his diagnosis.  As I read your letter, I can see that it is becoming yours, too.  I don't mean that necessarily in a clinical way but certainly in a situational way.

I don't blame you for being tired of being his caretaker.  It also sounds like you are his mother!  Pick up your clothes, take you meds, brush your teeth...

I am sure you are worried how he will take it when you tell him you want out.  Can you speak to his therapist and ask for any tips on how to tell him?  It is never easy to break up with someone and even more of a challenge when it's a person suffering with depression.  Keep in mind that he is not your responsibility.  YOU are your responsibility and it seems as if you are ready to take that on!  Also keep in mind that you are still young and young enough to go out there and enjoy life.  Doesn't sound as if you doing much of that.  You've got a lot of livin’ to do!  Best wishes...

Your 4 love,
Carol  

Sailinggirl49 I think it's very noble that she's concerned about Jack and his mental health. Carol's right, though. She needs to get out from under and he needs to stand on his own two feet, for once.
Wed Oct 19, 2011, 10:11:38 AM EDT

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