Dear “OH CAROL:”

My husband’s 82 year-old mother has moved in with us - and yes, I gave my approval.  Now I wish I could take it back.  I work part-time and so she’s under foot for a good part of my day. She interferes with everything.  She’s always making comments about my cooking and the condition of our home - which is okay to us.  I want my husband to stand up for me - and to remind her that she’s a guest.  I’m so upset and angry that other areas in our personal life are going down the tubes.  How do I get him to speak up?
Tired, Frustrated



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear “Tired and Frustrated:”

I am curious as to whether you've been married to him a long time and you've known your mother-in-law equally as long or if this is a new union and you don't feel quite as attached to or have an allegiance to her.

I'm hearing that old song by The Coasters -

“Mother-in-law, mother-in-law,
The worst person I know
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law.
She worries me so
Mother-in-law, mother-in-law.
If she leave us alone
We would have a happy home.”

Either way, if he won't speak up for you, then I think you ought to gently speak to her yourself. It is very difficult to deal with aging parents. Is she strong enough to help clean or cook? Does she have a favorite recipe that she can still make or share with you for you or your husband to make? Maybe if you found a way to make her feel needed, she'd be less of a pain.

We never feel we can do enough for our aging parents and wish we could do more and yet they can be burdensome and often your efforts are not recognized. I am sure it is even more challenging for your husband to see his once vital Mom now being so crotchety and old.

Is there a senior center nearby? A place she can go a few days a week during the time that you are NOT working?

In any case, you need to let your husband know just how difficult this is and talk it out and see what you can agree on.

Yours 4 Love,
Carol 
____________
EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com. 

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