Dear “OH CAROL:”

I just met a woman from an online dating service. We really seem to hit it off well.  We have a very good time together and a very passionate kiss goodnight.  She is very beautiful, funny and easy to talk to.  I already told her I am just out of a divorce and I am not looking for a serious relationship just yet.  My question is how do I take this to the next step?
The Next Step?

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear ‘The Next Step:’

First of all CONGRATULATIONS! You hit the jackpot (at least for one date!) Do you know how hard it is to like someone enough on a first date to say all the nice things you said about her and feel enough mutual chemistry for a "passionate kiss goodnight? Like many things in life, dating is a numbers game. So consider yourself lucky even if it doesn't progress. It's nice to know you still "got it"!

So you say you are just out of a divorce and not looking for a serious relationship and in the next breath you want to take it to the 'next step'? What kind of crazy mixed signal is THAT? I am not sure what you mean by the "next step." Are you referring to a second date? Are you referring to more than just a passionate kiss goodnight? Are you thinking about a relationship even though you say you aren't looking for one?

What does SHE want? People that use online dating sites fall into two categories.  Most are ready and looking to find a relationship. We humans like companionship.  I know I do! What's nice about these sites is that in most cases, it is right out there in front saying whether that person is seeking a relationship or not.  Which brings me to the other category...

The window shoppers and the samplers. Maybe they are fresh out of a marriage and want to see what's out there. Or maybe they are commitment phobic and just want a dinner date now and then. Some might be seeking just a sexual encounter. Others are like kids in a candy store fantasizing about something they can't have. Sometimes they actually get to taste the candy. They might discover that what looked good could make you sick! LOL.  On the other hand, it could be just as sweet as it looks!

The ones that are not seeking a relationship are often in this category because after a marriage or a relationship breaks up, our egos take a huge hit, regardless of why it broke up. Being online and flirting and being flirted with feels good! There is no doubt about it. Be honest with yourself about this and with those that you flirt with. Did you like being wanted and flirted with or did you really like HER?

It sounds like you fall into the latter category. You are fresh out of a marriage, not seeking a serious relationship and yet.... you really liked this woman. So, now what? Do you sweet talk her hoping to have your, ummm, needs met? And if so, what about her needs (emotionally speaking) or do you become friends with benefits (if she is willing) or friends w/o benefits ( benefits could be a dinner or a cocktail companion)?

I would hope that you don't want to get into something that you can't finish. Think it over before you do anything. I would also hope that you don't want to hurt her.  
"Stop, in the name of love, before you break my heart... think it over".

Yours 4 love,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com. 

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