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Dear “OH CAROL:”

I am not interested in ever to be remarried or to date. I hear women live longer if they are married and happy. What about if you are stressed due to the past, but live an otherwise healthy life style? I want to live a long time but, I just can't go through what my x put me through for 30 yrs.  Any advice for a single, over 50, stressed woman who tries to live very healthy?

-- Stressed from Abuse



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Stressed from Abuse:

I am not sure what advice you are seeking.  It sounds as if you have already made up your mind about re-marriage and dating.  As for advice about living longer, well, no one can guarantee that. According to you, it seems as if you are already living a healthy lifestyle which may mean that you are eating right and getting exercise, but human contact is also necessary for enhancing your health. Stress is a big contributor to early heart attacks and strokes. Easy for me to tell you to eliminate it (HAHA- easier said than done) but there are ways to lessen it..., things like yoga, meditation, or volunteering your time at a shelter or a nursing home or a shelter for battered women. Doing volunteer work will make you feel good about yourself by helping others and also bring you in contact with other people (the people you are helping as well as the staff!) thus enhancing your life.

Having friends around and in your life is the best prescription there is.  My song for you is Dionne Warwick's.  I would change the first line to "Start smilin', Start shinin’."

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure.
That's what friends are for.
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more.
That's what friends are for.

It is terrible that you had endured 30 years of an abusive relationship and that is not an easy thing to get over. You can't undo your past but you CAN create your future. If you continue to be stressed about what he did to you then he is still abusing you and controlling you. You need to live YOUR life, not the one he tried to create for you. I wish you peace.

Yours 4 love,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

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