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“OH CAROL:”

After 3 1/2 years ... She has no job, no ambition, only a head full of dreams. I have a gut feeling I'm her future 'meal ticket'. Advice?
Stick It Out???



Love ‘N Life’s “Oh Carol” Answers:

Dear “Stick It Out:”

"Should I stay or should I go now" (The Clash) and it's a question every one of us have wrestled with at least once.

Your letter is short, not so sweet and leaves me with many questions.

My first question is why have you stayed with her for 3½ years if you feel so negatively?  I'm also curious about her history. Did she work most of her life outside of the home? Did she work hard as a stay-at -home Mom and now finds herself the Mom of independent adult children and she is without any work experience? Is she the victim of her former circumstances and maybe you are only seeing what she isn't doing in the present?

So, I ask you, does she really lack ambition or has she been beaten down? Could it be that it's hard for her to put herself out there and feel (or be made to feel) incompetent? Sure seems easier to dream than to feel rejected, doesn't it?

As you probably know, at our age finding compatibility and companionship coupled with chemistry isn't as easy as when we were young, un-bruised, and wide eyed. If you like her (really like her) and also feel romantically towards her, then think long and hard before walking away from something that could bring you happiness for the second half of your life.

Another question that I have for you: Do you love her? You've been with her for 3½ years, surely there's something there. Why do you reduce it to such a negative "feel" as "being her meal ticket?" Or is this your own insecurity? Are you concerned that maybe she doesn't like/love you as much as you do her? Are you subconsciously worried that you don't live up to her "dreams" so you suggest that she is only with you for a "meal ticket?”  I can't speak for her, but I can tell you that I've had dates with men that had plenty of money and men without a cent. Of course it would be nice to not worry about financial struggles but I would never be able to think of "forever" with a man (or 3½ years even) if the compatibility and companionship coupled with chemistry wasn't there - no matter what his financial future was like. I would like to think that this is the way she feels about you. Why don't you sit down and evaluate your true feelings for her. If she shines in more ways than not, then stay. If you really care about each other and you can offer one another a future of love, fun, caring, companionship, and good times, and YOU have the financial resources to take care of both of you then why not go for it?! Look for the bad and you will find it. Look for the good and you will find that too!

Yours for love,
Carol

dontgoover55 Thank-You Carol!!!! You are the best in reading in between the lines! Thanks for standing up for what maybe a woman who has had been put down too many years and may not know how or where to start. If she did,she maybe asking herself the same thing this man is asking about! Thanks!
Mon Feb 6, 2012, 2:29:15 AM EST

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