Dear “OH CAROL:”

I’m 58 was dating this woman for 3 months and I thought we were good together.  She kept saying how much she enjoyed the things we did together. I even started to talk with her about planning a really nice party for her 60th birthday.  Then all of a sudden she hands me my “walking papers.”  I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to think about what went wrong.  I don’t have a clue.  I’d like to call her and ask her to explain.  I need closure.  What do you think - should I call her?
Should I Call?



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear ‘Should I Call:’

I am so baffled by this letter. I really wish I'd get more details when I receive letters. You said that she handed you your "walking papers". I know that is an expression meant to denote that she ended things with you but what I am unsure of (due to lack of detail) is did she break up with you in writing? On the phone?  In person? When I think about it, it almost doesn't matter because it would seem to me that she would've told you why she was ending things, which should have given you closure.

Closure doesn't always make us feel better but at least you have a 'reason'. If she didn't give you a reason, you have every right to call her and ask why. It may (or may not) have anything to do with you. It could simply be that she wasn't feeling the same as you. That doesn't make you a bad guy or mean there is anything wrong with you. I've had some dates and even some mini-relationships in which there was absolutely nothing wrong with the man, he just wasn't right for me. Of course I've also had some dates where there was EVERYTHING wrong with the man, but those dates didn't last more than one drink, certainly not 3 months.

On the other hand, calling and asking her for an explanation may open a can of worms. I was once told: don't ask questions that you might not want to hear the answers to. It is very hard to move on wondering what the reason was for the break up. However, sometimes things are better left unsaid.  I have Neil Sedaka singing in my ear.  "They say that breaking up is hard to do" and it doesn't get any easier even when you are an "after-fiftier."

Yours 4 Love,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com. 

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