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“OH CAROL:”

She and I had been dating for a year and then I found out she had also been seeing someone else while the two of us were dating.  She didn’t seem to think this was a problem, but for me it was a deal-breaker.  So I broke it off with her.  Now I can’t seem to forget her.  But I’m so angry about her being unfaithful, that I’d never go back to her.  So how do I move on - and get her out of my mind?
She’s Still On My Mind

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear She’s Still On My Mind:

You used the word "dating" which to me, implies something more casual as opposed to an exclusive relationship. I totally understand how upsetting it must've been to learn that she was seeing someone else but I am curious if you and she ever had the "exclusivity discussion"? It is a new phenomenon that I've come across in my after fifty dating life. When we were younger and you were seeing someone regularly it went without saying that it was exclusive. I've learned that for some, unless you've had "that conversation" then it isn't exclusive and they feel they can see whomever they want.

Of course you can't forget her---YET. One doesn't turn emotions off overnight. Your letter leaves a lot unsaid. I want to know what her reaction was to you breaking it off was? Do you still communicate? Does she still want to go on seeing you and the other man? Would she be interested in an exclusive relationship with you (or with anyone for that matter)?

 As I've said before, there is no secret pill or advice I can give you to get over her. Time helps A LOT! "Ti-i-i-ime, is on your side, yes it is" (thanks Mr Jagger and company).

Try to find things to occupy your mind. Join a club (meetup.com) read a book (not a love story) join some free online dating sites and chat with women. Do not pretend to them that you are ready for a relationship. You need to work on you and your healing. I promise you, it does get better.

Yours 4 Love,
Carol

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