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“OH CAROL:”

My best friend, Sam, got divorced last year.  Sam never shared the details of his divorce - the “why” and “who did what to whom” with me. Since his divorce, though, he’s been packing on the pounds.  He’s about 5’10” and his waist is now about the same.  He jokes about how they don’t make clothes like they used to - that he has to get new ones every two months now.  Not only is this not good for his health, but it’s going to hurt if he tries to develop new relationships with women. He says that looks shouldn’t matter.  What do I say to get him off this downward spiral?
On a Downward Spiral

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Downward Spiral:

It must be hard for you to sit by and watch him literally eat himself sick. I am a little confused by your relationship with Sam, though.  It seems to me that either you and/or Sam have communication challenges. It is hard for me to fathom referring to someone as your best friend yet not know the "why" and the "who did what to whom" regarding the circumstances of his divorce.

I agree with Sam that looks shouldn't matter but depression and the inability to express feelings DO matter. This man clearly needs help. Do you have any contact with his ex-wife or any members of his family? If so, perhaps they can give you some insight. I am willing to bet that a big reason his marriage failed is his inability to communicate. He is likely still pining over his marriage and possibly over his ex. "Sitting here eating my heart out baby" He needs to talk about it. It is obvious that he is using food like others use alcohol or drugs. I wish him well.

Yours 4 Love,
Carol

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