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"OH CAROL:"

After 16 years, "hubby" wants to be free!  He is 73 and I'm 61.  He has always come and gone as he pleased.  Meanwhile, I stayed here and worked.  What is wrong with this picture?  I don't believe that he is seeing another woman, but we have not slept together in 5 years! Because of the medication he takes we have no sex life.  I just think he is goofy, but what to do?
Hubby Wants Out

LOVE 'N LIFE'S "OH CAROL" ANSWERS:

Dear "Hubby Wants Out:"

For 16 years he essentially WAS free. The fact that he wants to make it official shouldn't be surprising. As you said, he was able to come and go as he pleased while you went out to work and brought home the money.

One third of your marriage has been without sex whether it is from medication or not. Have the two of you spoken to his doctor TOGETHER to see if anything can be done to help that situation (like Viagra)?  I am glad you don't think it's another woman and you may very well be right. So what is it? What are HIS reasons for wanting to be "free"? Why does he want to leave a woman who brings home the bacon, cooks it, lets him come and go as he pleases and is content to have a sexless marriage (for whatever reason) ?

So I ask you, what did HE contribute to your marriage?

No money, running around doing who knows what, no sex. What will you be missing? And you are so much younger than he! You should have no problem meeting a new man who will appreciate all that you bring to a relationship. "I'm free and freedom tastes of reality."

Yours 4 love,

OH CAROL

Most Recent First Oldest First Most Popular First

Marrisa I was in a similar situation altho I had been married for 30 years and hubby decided the grass was going to be greener on the other side..while I knew our marriage wasn't the best, I really didn't think he wanted a divorce, of course you go thru all the emotions, after all I had spent from age 18 to 50 being his wife, what else did I know, but with some good counseling, and wonderful support from friends and family..I gave him the divorce, and am now very happily remarried,I guess when all is said and done, I remember one friend saying, maybe you had to spend 30 years with the wrong person to truly appreciate the right one! So let him go, start your life anew and enjoy it!
Tue Jan 4, 2011, 8:45:16 PM EST

mom81549 I'd really encourage you to first ask him to go WITH YOU to see his medical Doctor and have a good physical. My father did something similar - he was 62 and Mama was 57 and they had just been married about 30 years. Mama never told us until many years later. Within months he had been diagnosed with cancer. Bless her heart, she stayed with him and took care of him, he lived another sever years, never did divorce her. Found out after he was diagnosed that he had said and done many things out of character in the preceding months with old friends and neighbors. Serious illness can do great mental damage as well. Also consider that he may feel like he needs to cut you loose so you can find what he is sure you "need" with someone who can provide it. Daddy was perfectly awful to Mama after he could no longer "perform".
Tue Jan 4, 2011, 9:47:13 PM EST

You are only 61 and with many good years ahead of you. It does not sound like this has ever been much of a partnership. Get out now don't waste any more time on a man who does not know what a good thing he has.
Thu Jan 6, 2011, 8:08:40 PM EST

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