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Dear OH CAROL:

I recently "met" a woman in an online chat, and, even though it was a bunch of anonymous electrons, I felt we made a real connection.

Unfortunately, we seem to be on the ragged edge of being Geographically Undesirable - making dating nearly impossible.

I'm interested in your thoughts on possible solutions? Thanks in advance for your help.
Geographically Undesirable?

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear “Geographically Undesirable:”

LDRs!  (Long Distance Relationships) work for some and are heartbreaking for others. GU (Geographically Undesirable) is a subjective phrase. What's GU for one may not be GU for another.

Living on Long Island myself, I am very familiar with this challenge. Many people think you are GU if you need to cross a bridge or a tunnel.  Others look at travel time and traffic. It can also be costly. Not only is the price of gas an issue but you also need to factor in tolls. I dated someone who lived just a little over an hour away but NOT on "the island." Because I have a teenager living at home, I did not have him come here, so I made the trip nearly every weekend. I loved the travel time spent in my car, listening to my iPod and having "me" time, but at approx. $25 a trip, it limited us to once a week. If that is affordable to you and suits your togetherness need, I say go for it. For me, I like to be able to spend more than just once a week with someone that I care about.

As for the cost factor, this kind of relates to my last letter about the higher earner vs. the lesser earner. If money is not an issue for one of you and it is for the other, then maybe the one who is “more flush” can fund the trip. I know that would be uncomfortable for me, because usually at some point during the visit, he would treat me to a meal or two. How could I take money for travel expenses AND be treated to meals? I imagine if one party were VERY financially comfortable this could work - but even then, it might feel awkward and it really needs to be discussed openly and honestly BEFORE meeting. Why waste time meeting someone if you can't be in agreement over these two very important issues?

So if you and she are on the same page as far as money and time spent together, great - then you can sing, "we can work it out." However if your needs and bank accounts are NOT in sync, then you might be singing the song by YES, "long distance runaround"....and yet be saying 'no' to an LDR.

Yours 4 Love,
Carol
 ____________
EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

debkap617 I have found long distance online relationships very hard to be anything but a pen pal. The time and energy you will put into this must be weighed against your goals and needs.
Sun Feb 19, 2012, 5:49:59 PM EST

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