Dear “OH CAROL:”
I’m a woman in my early 60’s and I’ve just started dating after my marriage ended almost a year ago.  I have a good job but I’ve decided I won’t date anyone at work because of potential problems.  So, I’m doing online dating.  I’ve connected with several guys so far but I’m really at a loss.  All of them have lost interest in me and the breakups are really starting to get me down.  They say things like we’re not really suited for each other (whatever that means).  Carol, I’m not just jumping into these relationships.  We’ll spend a lot of time emailing and phone calling and texting before we meet.  I’m not Miss America but I can hold my own in the looks department.  I don’t get it.  What am I doing wrong here?
Frustrated with My Dating Life


LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear “Frustrated:”

Congratulations on getting out there and not sitting home feeling sorry for yourself (as many people "after fifty" tend to do). SO ..... YAY YOU!!

Of course, without knowing you I really haven't a clue what (or IF) you are doing anything wrong. You say that you can hold your own in looks, I am guessing you can also hold your own in personality (or you wouldn't have had several connections). I am hoping your hygiene is intact (nothing worse that meeting someone you've connected with and their breath can knock you out). So…it leaves me to wonder this: Are you considering these first, second, third dates as relationships while the men are just considering them as first, second, or third dates? You used the expression "break -ups" which is indicative of a relationship. If what you've had were texts, IMs, phone calls followed by only one, two, or three dates, I'd hardly call it a break up. I'd say, it was simply a matter of no click, you were not for them.

I am a total believer that chemistry does not have to be there on the first date or two and it can very well grow, given the chance. Some people feel if it isn't there instantly they move on (silly at this age).  I also know that sometimes there is just no way, no how, it ain't gonna happen, I can't imagine EVER kissing 'him'. Other times, there is absolutely nothing wrong but there's just something that isn't right. "Do it wrong or do it right 'salright 'salright." (Lennon comes to me).

I think you might be investing too much beforehand and when it doesn't pan out you feel as if you've been broken up with. What you perceive as a relationship they perceive as a few phone calls.  

Step back, take a breath, protect yourself without getting jaded and be patient. It's advice I give my friends and myself on a regular basis!

Yours 4 Love,
Carol 
____________
EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

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dbirden I have to congratulate you for trying, do not stop just realize you have done what most of us are afraid to do, after reading your story it let me know I got to get out there again and have some fun meet a man and get my groove back LOL remember we count too the online dating is new for me I have not tried it but plan too now thing is at this point you just want to have fun take a date as a date and no more relationships are hard these days to have just do it to get your groove back and live life to it's fullest hanks very much you rock....Deborah

Sep 16, 2012, 2:24 PM EDT

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