• What are
  FAVORITES?
  Bookmark any page of our site conveniently in this one area.
  
  Sign In or Register so you can take advantage of all of the features of After Fifty Living

“OH CAROL:”

Not in love with spouse.  Feeling fenced in or trapped. Not a bad guy just a jerk. Wanted out for many yrs. Why am I still here?
Feeling Trapped

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Trapped:
This is so vague that I am not sure what to address. I’d love to know how long you've been together, what about him is jerky, why you feel trapped? You say that he is not a bad guy so I imagine he doesn't have you tied to a chair.

My answer would have to be based on certain assumptions... such as: assuming you are over 50 could imply you've been married for many years. Which could answer why you're still there... we get attached to people, even jerks, after so many years and even though he might annoy you to death, it is also hard to imagine not having him in your life. "You're a hard habit to break."

Not being "in love" is a term that too many people toss around when they are not happy. How many people feel the same sense of passion after being together for x amount of time that they felt back in the early days? My unofficial polls tell me no one feels that, because that is what we call the hots, passion, googoo gaga - not real love. Too often we confuse passion for being in love and being in love with someone means being able to deal with the day to day stuff. The ho-hum, la-di-la, how was your day, the weather's nice kind of stuff. It's about doing little things like picking up their favorite chocolate or snipping out (or emailing) a newspaper article for them just because you are thinking about them and wanting to put a smile on their face. It's the little things, not the monumental stuff that keep people together.  Try to remember the early days and what first attracted you to him. Talk to him about it. Reminisce together. See if you can spark a little something.

Your brief message sounds like you are at a point of feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. Before you do anything, speak to a professional. I would also suggest that you speak to your husband. Express your worries. Keep in mind that the grass only LOOKS greener. Feel free to write again with more details.

Yours 4 love,
Carol

Leave a Comment -

Guidelines: We welcome your thoughts, but for the sake of all visitors to AfterFiftyLiving.com, please refrain from the use of obscenities, personal attacks or slurs. All comments are subject to our terms of use and may be removed. Repeat offenders may lose commenting privileges.