Dear “OH CAROL:”
My teenage daughter just came to me and told me that she discovered that my husband/her father has been having sexually explicit phone conversations with other women.  She says she doesn’t know how long it’s been going on and that she didn’t confront him or say anything to him about it.  My head is swirling.  Now that I look back, he has been withdrawn from me, her and our 2 boys for the last 6 months.  I believe my daughter and I think I’m going to get her into therapy.  But now, what do I do about him?  There are times I’m so angry I could scream and other times I feel like my world is collapsing all around me.  The very thought of him disgusts me.  I’d like to throw him out.  What do I do?  How do I sort this out?
The Dad Has a Secret Life

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear “Dad Has a Secret Life:”

My brain is reeling with this letter. I know that you've been kicked in the gut and your emotions are all over the place going from feeling heartbroken and betrayed to wanting to protect your daughter from the pain she is currently incurring. I wish that she never heard that. It changes everything a girl should feel and think about her Daddy. Starting now, immediately, take her out of it! Don't send her to eavesdrop or snoop in his phone (as tempting as it is). This issue is NOT about her. It's between you and your husband so protect her from any further pain.

Don't just "think' about getting your daughter into therapy- DO IT! Pick up the phone (or go online) today and check with your insurance company and see who is on your plan. Most practitioners have blurbs or websites which will enable you to get a feel of who they are and what they specialize in. If your sons don't know about this, keep it that way.  One child with a broken heart is enough. You are feeling all sorts of emotions including a seething anger and a desire to punish your husband. Don't punish him by destroying your children's' image of their father, I assure you, from personal experience, if he is a jerk they will discover it all on their own. The worst thing you can do is to reveal it to them. LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!

As for you and your marriage... before you start singing "hit the road Jack" , you must talk to him and tell him what you know about his explicit phone calls. Remember to tell him how this makes YOU feel and try your hardest not to tell him what an ass he is  (hard as that may be) I assure you, he is going to come up with some crazy excuse as to why he would be speaking like that on the phone to someone. It is up to you whether you choose to accept his story or not.

Get into therapy today! As you are finding out about therapists for your daughter, find one for yourself too. A good therapist will help you to sort things out. If you and your husband agree that you want to work this out, insist on couples counseling. He might balk about it but too bad. If he wants to keep you, your marriage, and his family intact, then he needs to do whatever it takes. I wish you luck and please feel free to write me again. My readers/writers can write in as often as they wish, I am always here for you.

Yours 4 Love,
Carol
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EDITOR’S NOTE:  In addition to serving as “Oh Carol” for After Fifty Living visitors, Carol Ziegler is a dating coach and an "online dating" expert.  If you need help writing your dating profile, or would like assistance selecting possible dating partners, consider utilizing Carol’s fee-based services.  Carol, who was a professional matchmaker for many years, can also guide and coach you through the process.  Like to know more? Email her at OhCoachCarol@gmail.com.

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