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“OH CAROL:”

I just spent time with my 57 year old brother and his 50 year old wife.  He has a good job and makes good money.  She gave up her job when they married and has been raising their 3 boys, ages 9, 11, and 13.  She has her hands full.  The problem?  He was awful toward her - not physically, but every darned thing she said, he'd correct her or argue with her about what she said.  Meanwhile, I suspect she's been drinking more than she should.  I think she feels hopeless and degraded in this relationship - and I don't blame her.  Is there something...anything, that I should do about this.  I think he's being a bully and she needs rescuing.  
Concerned About the Sister-In-Law



LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Concerned:

Hoo boy. This is a tricky one. You don't want to alienate your brother nor do you want to insult your sister-in-law.

Is he mimicking a behavior in his marriage that he saw in your parent's marriage? How did he learn to be such a bully? Is he unhappy? Does he still love her? Starting with the bully, I'd ask him those questions.

As for his wife, I don't know how close you are with her and she might get VERY insulted if you come to her with these concerns. Does she have a sister or best friend that you can confide in? If she is drinking too much, see if that runs in her family. Did she drink a lot before marriage and children?

I don't see this as something you can tackle without some damage. That is your decision as to how much you can withstand. I hear The Clash's line "this indecision's killing me"

Only you can determine if you should talk to them about it.

Yours 4 love,
Carol

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