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“OH CAROL:”

I'm a 60 year-old guy and I'm tired.  Tired of the same 'ol, same 'ol.  Please don't read this as my asking you for some kind of permission to do something kinky, weird, or outrageous.  The problem is that I seem to be applying the same cookie cutter template to all my dates.  I've never been known for being very creative (I'm an accountant, for heaven's sake - we don't "do" creativity!).  Anyway, I'm either introduced to or meet a woman on my own, we do the drinks-and-dinner thing and I keep hearing the same small talk about kids, and work and movies and books and stuff in general.  Boring.  No, I'm not a snob - but I've heard it all so many times before.  I don't think I was meant to be a hermit, but I'm not seeing much added value in continuing along this path.  Can I, should I, how do I break out of this rut? 

Bored, So Very Bored

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S OH CAROL ANSWERS:

Dear Bored:

It's so true! Often these first dates are mundane and feel like an interview..."How long were you married?" “When did you get divorced?" "How many kids, how old are they? blah blah blah blah blah...” and then, like you wrote, you walk away feeling blah!

As Mick and the boys sing ..."Please allow me to introduce myself, ... I've been around for a long, long year...." and you feel as if the date has been going on for a long, long year!!

So, what to do? As I've mentioned in past letters, check out meetup.com for groups that appeal to you. Perhaps a photography group, or an over 50s single group, or maybe you have an interest in yoga, or bird watching, or city tours. That site is vast, look around and have fun!

Another suggestion might be to spend a little more time on the phone and/or IMing with a woman before meeting her. I know that I've had much better dates when I've done that and I will no longer meet someone unless we've put in some time ahead of a date.  It's a lot more comfortable and it feels as if I am meeting a friend.  You'd be surprised the depth of conversation one could have before setting a date.  In addition, you could find things out that may preclude you from meeting her in the first place. You could have opposite schedules, or she could be one of those people that are SO busy it makes you wonder how they will ever have time for a relationship.

I have found that you are only as good as the person you are chatting with. I know that I give great phone and IM, but when the response on the other end is a dud, well, it kinda sends me into dudsville. So, ask yourself if the boredom is theirs to own or is it yours?

Online dating enables you to see their profiles and determine if you have any common interests or backgrounds.  I find that a helpful tool when seeking and talking with someone new. 

So, what will wake you up from being tired? What turns you on? What cracks you up in fits of laughter? What evokes emotion from you? DO you want someone to converse with or would you rather come home from a long day and not talk at all? DO you like to communicate your thoughts, feelings and emotions to someone? OR do you keep them wrapped up and all to yourself? Sometimes we need to do some introspective work, look inside ourselves and see who we are, what excites us, what do we bring to the table to enable us to find someone special.  Keep us posted, please.  And good luck!

Yours 4 Love,
Carol

Most Recent First Oldest First Most Popular First

Tony I met my wife through a dating company over 15 years ago. One of the things we did was talked on the phone 4-5 before getting together the first time. It gave us both time to spend short times talking and getting to know each other over a couple of weeks, by the time we finally met in person we had a lot in common and had an amazing time!
Mon Apr 4, 2011, 5:03:23 PM EDT

Sailinggirl49 Perhaps trying something different for the date might help too. If all you keep doing is going for dinner and drinks that can get boring for anyone. Why not try a cooking class or wine tasting, go to a baseball or football game, see a play or tennis match, try a museum of some sort, go for a hike or play golf, go to some art openings! There are lots of things to do, try something new it will give you new things to tak about.
Mon Apr 4, 2011, 9:35:11 PM EDT

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