• What are
  FAVORITES?
  Bookmark any page of our site conveniently in this one area.
  
  Sign In or Register so you can take advantage of all of the features of After Fifty Living

“OH CAROL:”

Hi! I have changed so much in the last few years. I am a divorced woman that is post-menopausal, 57. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was find "Mr. Right." I was always either married or in a relationship or looking for one. Now, it seems as if I not only don't have any sex drive, I also don't have any desire to even meet someone. I have been divorced for over 16 years and have had nothing but bad relationships. I don't know if it's that, or the fact that my estrogen and testosterone levels are pretty much nil! But the bottom line is that my mom, brother, uncle and aunt have become very "single" as they have gotten older and I really see myself becoming just like them. I really don't want to become one of those cat ladies, but right now I fit the criteria! What should I do, if anything?
Becoming a Cat Lady

LOVE ‘N LIFE’S “OH CAROL” ANSWERS:

Dear Becoming:

Sex drive is a funny thing. A conversation that I've had often is the ol' "if ya don't use it ya lose it" one. Another funny thing about sex is that the longer one goes without it the less one craves.  Yet, the opposite is true, too.

Before you do anything, have you had your hormone levels checked? If they check out "normal" then I think your lack of desire comes from not having a man that you desire. It tends to go hand in hand.

As for your family being very single..... I don't know if you are comfortable discussing this with them, but I'd be curious to know if they are that way by choice. I think the fact that you don't want to end up like that is in your favor.... don't let it happen!

This might be a delicate topic for some readers but have you tried reading erotica or watching sexy movies? If you feel things stirring, then I wouldn't worry about becoming a cat lady. You might be singing "what's new pussycat, wooo ohhh ohh ohh oh" but with thoughts of sexy men instead of little kitties!

Yours 4 Love,
Carol

Most Recent First Oldest First Most Popular First

AnnML You are 57 now so I am sure part of it is your priorities have changed. You no longer feel like you need someone to take care of you or to have kids with. Which is many ways frees you up. You no longer need Mr. Right the same way as before. I do think though it sounds like you would still like companionship, someone to see a movie with, go to dinner, and possibly travel with. I would continue to try and meet men but ones you are just looking to be friends with. I think you will find when you lower the bar and look just for someone to have fun with sometimes and or a friend you are more likely to get out, and feel better about yourself. You never know you may even begin to have some of those old feelings again. Try taking some classes at a gym, wine classes, go to a ball game with a girl friend, and talk to the guys sitting around you. Sitting at home will do nothing for you, once you start getting out you will see a change.
1 like this.
Fri Mar 18, 2011, 12:22:42 PM EDT

Sailinggirl49 Both of you make some good points, after menopause a womens body goes through so many changes and with hormone drops some desires do go away. It would be worth seeing a doctor on this just to cover your bases. I also think it sounds like you may need to be meeting more people in general. Cat women usually have pretty empty lives which is why they try and fill them with animals rather than relations with others. You can just start by trying to make more new friends both men and women.
Fri Mar 18, 2011, 4:25:08 PM EDT

Kactus-Kat I would add that the "empty nest" syndrome should be added to the list before sex-drive! A lot of us have our grown children leaving us, and let's admit it, the house DOES get quieter! If you're like me, you have parents not in the same city or state or even region! Cats are super-easy to take care of, and if you've been around them since they were little, and spent time with them, they do become much more domesticated and friendly. Ours would rather be around us than alone in a different room ...sleeping.

You also slow down a little as you get older, and a cat on your lap keeps you with less anxiety than if you don't have children/grandchildren sitting on your lap!
Fri Mar 18, 2011, 6:09:09 PM EDT

Leave a Comment -

Guidelines: We welcome your thoughts, but for the sake of all visitors to AfterFiftyLiving.com, please refrain from the use of obscenities, personal attacks or slurs. All comments are subject to our terms of use and may be removed. Repeat offenders may lose commenting privileges.