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"OH CAROL:"

I’m widowed (husband died 3 years ago) and I have very fond memories of him. Most of those memories involve times when he took an active role in protecting or providing or fixing things.  He was quite a man.  I’m dating a guy now who is funny and charming.  But two recent things have me very concerned.  A light bulb broke, in the socket, and he called an electrician to get it out.  I had a flat tire, and instead of coming to get me (and maybe fix the tire) he said to call a service and get a ride home with them.  Alarm bells are going off in my head.  Am I right?
Alarm Bells Going Off?? 
 
 
LOVE 'N LIFE'S "OH CAROL" ANSWERS:

Dear Alarm Bells:

How fortunate you are to have had a husband who lived up to the "male code" of protecting and providing. Not all do. However, being able to change a tire or a light bulb does not a bad man make. (By the way, I once read a tip that if a bulb is broken off in the socket, cut a potato in half and use it against the broken remains to help unscrew it out of the socket.)

In the "After 50" category, here is how I look at things. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. We could be the best mechanic today and then through aging or illness not be able to perform those tasks anymore. The true judge of whether you want to be with someone is if you like their company. If a time comes that he can no longer do physical things, do you LIKE him enough to sit across the breakfast table and enjoy conversation with him. Are you compatible? Is he a good companion? Do you feel good when you are with him?
 
As for alarm bells going off (Ring my be-ell, ring my bell) I understand that you wanted him to be your hero and rescue you from the flat tire. It would've been nice had he come and waited with you for the service truck to come. Maybe you could express to him that you totally understand that he didn't want to come and actually change the tire. You could say how good it would've felt to have him by your side waiting for the truck to come. Don't attack. He really didn't do anything wrong and if you didn't express to him that you'd like him to please come and keep you company, how would he know? You are not going to change him. We all need a little help knowing what pleases our partner. Help him know how to please you. Good luck.

Yours 4 love,
Carol

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