Fun & Humor

After 50 Matters!

Freedom. It’s underrated. I’m not talking about the freedom to hang out with Russian spies in the Oval Office or to write fake news tweets. I’m talking real stuff. These days, with security breaches, internet hacks, and White House leaks, most of us believe that our personal freedom is declining. A Gallup Poll found that the U.S. ranks #21 in the w...Read More

A “Rain-A-Geddon” Weekend

Today’s Living Retired is presented by the Umbrella Manufacturers Association whose slogan is: ‘We keep making umbrellas because you idiots keep losing them!’ This past weekend  residents in the Midwest and eastern North America suffered through three days of torrential rainstorms! How bad was it? Well I know you’re going to...Read More

How Many Candles This Year?

It’s birthday time. For me. I need to think fast. Can I cross the date off the calendar without anyone noticing? Go subway surfing without a phone until the day is over? What about claiming that my birthday is fake news? I was born in the winter – don’t you remember” No luck. It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to. The only thing I want to cele...Read More

It’s Spring! Time for “Lawn-Mower Lowdown!”

It’s spring. Husbands get up from the breakfast table after scarfing down two pounds of bacon– and pop a cholesterol pill. “I think I’ll go to the garage and try to start the lawnmower so it’s ready for the summer.” Wives turn a shade of white– think ‘Cloud White, part of the Benjamin Moore Classic Color Collection; warm with neutral undertones.’ T...Read More

The “Did You Poop Your Diaper?” Sniff

The good news: the snow has melted. The bad news: the mounds of mud on your front lawn makes it look like there was a tractor pull! The good news: April showers bring May flowers. The bad news: your sump pump breaks down! The first sign the sump pump malfunctioned– which is a nice word for ‘#!¥#!’– is when you return from yo...Read More

7 Things Our Parents Said on Roadtrips

Baby boomers were raised going on family summer road trips.Our parents wanted the family to travel through the countryside– enjoying roadside picnics overrun by ants and staying at motels overrun by spiders. Kids just wanted to get back home and play with their friends. To accomplish this they would sit in the backseat of the car and perfect the ar...Read More

Top 5 Conversations Couples Have When Traveling

The Luggage Zipper Council of America– whose motto is: ‘Way More Is Way Better!’– has discovered the top 5 conversations every couple has when they go on vacation. The findings are published in their report entitled: ‘Women Are From Planet Matching Soft-Sided Luggage; Men Are From Planet Missing In Action When Packing.’ The first page of the report...Read More

Memory Lane Alert! A Case for the Maytag Lonely Repairman. Oh my…

What you are about to read is the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. So help me Maytag Lonely Repairman. Here’s what happened… Years ago, Jan and I agreed to purchase a Maytag washer and dryer. We were convinced Maytag was a trusted brand. This was based on exhaustive research: Jan’s comment, “Gary, I feel sorry for that poor Maytag...Read More

When Your Wife Says ‘THE DEN’… She Means ‘THE DEN’

If you are a married woman, what you about to read may incite a violent action. I’m talking about something even worse than opening the kitchen cupboard that sets off a Tupperware avalanche! “Hello 9-1-1!!! This is Eunice Entwistle calling. I need help! I’m buried in a gazillion plastic containers and mismatched lids. It’s reaching all the way up t...Read More

My Smart TV and Other Oxymorons

I just got a smart TV. It’s an oxymoron (a combination of words that have contradictory meanings) like jumbo shrimp and a little pregnant. Years ago life was simple. There were three national networks – NBC, CBS, and ABC. Trusted names like Harry Reasoner, Barbara Walters, and Howard K. Smith maintained broadcast news standards. Fake news and alter...Read More

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