Fun & Humor

O My Achy Feet

Some people have pretty feet. Others have ugly feet. By the time you’re afterfiftyliving, we all have rebellious feet. Look at it this way. Our feet put in an average 5,117 steps a day or about 912 miles a year. That means by the time you’re after 50, you’ve walked about 45,600 miles or over 16 times the distance between your favorite ice cream sho...Read More

Baseball Broadcasting – Backwards R US!

Listening to a baseball game on the radio has reached– to use medical terminology– the sphincter tightening stage. It’s like squirming watching Trump trying to read from a TelePrompTer– but way worse. Back in the good ‘ole days– before middle age men began wearing nasal strips– baseball was all about balls and strikes. Nowadays broadcasters have ta...Read More

Hallmark Heaven!

I’m lost. It’s got nothing to do like the time I pretended I had ‘man ears’ and ignored Jans suggestion: “Gary, please just stop and ask someone for directions!” It’s got nothing to do with not knowing how to use our cars GPS– that’s supposed to lead you to where you want to go, but doesn’...Read More

Baby Boomers Must Be “All Ears”

The fastest growing segment in North America– next to middle age women calling 9-1-1 to report flocks of large birds with long beaks making nests in their husbands ear hair– is baby boomers.   Baby boomers were born between 1946 and 1964– in other words they were raised on canned cream of corn, chewed Thrills Gum, and watched Bonanza while dipping ...Read More

8 Steps To Wasting Your Time Trying To Grow Grass!

It’s a fact. Middle age men can grow enough ear hair to attract a flock of red-breasted meadowlarks to build a nest in our auditory canal. But ask us to grow grass in the backyard, well, that’s a different matter all together. Men appreciate a lush expanse of red fescue, perennial ryegrass, bluegrass, Bermuda grass, or even bent grass– if it’s on a...Read More

Repairing the Deck – with Dead Elephants!

Fake news… Home designers describe a deck as ‘an extension of your home; an outdoor oasis for entertaining your friends with summer drinks and canapés.’ Makes a guy want to puke! Real news… Your wife describes your deck as ‘a place she won’t put her Pier 1 eight-piece rattan furniture set with sun-resistant fabric cushions that match the brick mort...Read More

After 50 Matters!

Freedom. It’s underrated. I’m not talking about the freedom to hang out with Russian spies in the Oval Office or to write fake news tweets. I’m talking real stuff. These days, with security breaches, internet hacks, and White House leaks, most of us believe that our personal freedom is declining. A Gallup Poll found that the U.S. ranks #21 in the w...Read More

A “Rain-A-Geddon” Weekend

Today’s Living Retired is presented by the Umbrella Manufacturers Association whose slogan is: ‘We keep making umbrellas because you idiots keep losing them!’ This past weekend  residents in the Midwest and eastern North America suffered through three days of torrential rainstorms! How bad was it? Well I know you’re going to...Read More

How Many Candles This Year?

It’s birthday time. For me. I need to think fast. Can I cross the date off the calendar without anyone noticing? Go subway surfing without a phone until the day is over? What about claiming that my birthday is fake news? I was born in the winter – don’t you remember” No luck. It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to. The only thing I want to cele...Read More

It’s Spring! Time for “Lawn-Mower Lowdown!”

It’s spring. Husbands get up from the breakfast table after scarfing down two pounds of bacon– and pop a cholesterol pill. “I think I’ll go to the garage and try to start the lawnmower so it’s ready for the summer.” Wives turn a shade of white– think ‘Cloud White, part of the Benjamin Moore Classic Color Collection; warm with neutral undertones.’ T...Read More

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