Fun & Humor

It’s Spring! Time for “Lawn-Mower Lowdown!”

It’s spring. Husbands get up from the breakfast table after scarfing down two pounds of bacon– and pop a cholesterol pill. “I think I’ll go to the garage and try to start the lawnmower so it’s ready for the summer.” Wives turn a shade of white– think ‘Cloud White, part of the Benjamin Moore Classic Color Collection; warm with neutral undertones.’ T...Read More

The “Did You Poop Your Diaper?” Sniff

The good news: the snow has melted. The bad news: the mounds of mud on your front lawn makes it look like there was a tractor pull! The good news: April showers bring May flowers. The bad news: your sump pump breaks down! The first sign the sump pump malfunctioned– which is a nice word for ‘#!¥#!’– is when you return from yo...Read More

7 Things Our Parents Said on Roadtrips

Baby boomers were raised going on family summer road trips.Our parents wanted the family to travel through the countryside– enjoying roadside picnics overrun by ants and staying at motels overrun by spiders. Kids just wanted to get back home and play with their friends. To accomplish this they would sit in the backseat of the car and perfect the ar...Read More

Top 5 Conversations Couples Have When Traveling

The Luggage Zipper Council of America– whose motto is: ‘Way More Is Way Better!’– has discovered the top 5 conversations every couple has when they go on vacation. The findings are published in their report entitled: ‘Women Are From Planet Matching Soft-Sided Luggage; Men Are From Planet Missing In Action When Packing.’ The first page of the report...Read More

Memory Lane Alert! A Case for the Maytag Lonely Repairman. Oh my…

What you are about to read is the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. So help me Maytag Lonely Repairman. Here’s what happened… Years ago, Jan and I agreed to purchase a Maytag washer and dryer. We were convinced Maytag was a trusted brand. This was based on exhaustive research: Jan’s comment, “Gary, I feel sorry for that poor Maytag...Read More

When Your Wife Says ‘THE DEN’… She Means ‘THE DEN’

If you are a married woman, what you about to read may incite a violent action. I’m talking about something even worse than opening the kitchen cupboard that sets off a Tupperware avalanche! “Hello 9-1-1!!! This is Eunice Entwistle calling. I need help! I’m buried in a gazillion plastic containers and mismatched lids. It’s reaching all the way up t...Read More

My Smart TV and Other Oxymorons

I just got a smart TV. It’s an oxymoron (a combination of words that have contradictory meanings) like jumbo shrimp and a little pregnant. Years ago life was simple. There were three national networks – NBC, CBS, and ABC. Trusted names like Harry Reasoner, Barbara Walters, and Howard K. Smith maintained broadcast news standards. Fake news and alter...Read More

Nobody Likes a Mr. Sniffles!

Reader Alert… The following contains graphic descriptions and is intended for mature readers. People with a weak stomach may puke. I told Jan the way any sensitive middle age man would tell his wife he has thick mucous in his throat, “Dear, I’m sorry I was horking all night long and kept you awake.” Horking– Latin for ...Read More

When stars align: Jupiter in Retrograde 2017

Maybe you’ve had a bad week or things didn’t seem to go as planned- it may be safe to blame Mercury retrograde for the troubles but not all planets incite such chaos when they move into retrograde status. This happens when a planet appears to move in the opposite direction than it normally does. One of the best planet retrogrades is Jup...Read More

Car Navigation Systems Lead To Divorce!

Jan and I made our 2017 New Year’s resolutions… I resolved to lose the final 15 pounds on last year’s 10-pound diet. Jan shocked me with her New Year’s resolution. “Let’s learn to use your cars electronic navigation system.” Hmmm… I thought carefully about what I should say. I needed to remain calm and convinced myself not to overreact. Then I scre...Read More

Transform Your Husband into Fabio

Ladies. I’m telling you. It’s like I’m a new man! It began when my wife gave me my gifts for Christmas. Bang! Just like that I’ve been restaged. I’M ALL NEW FOR 2017! Jan is onto something so special that I’m convinced she’s discovered the perfect elixir that can transform millions of football obsessed, Frank’s hot sauce crazed, beer guzzling baby ...Read More

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