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Exercise, Mice, and Brick Walls

There’s a wonderful article which appeared in the NY Times earlier this week, Can Exercise Keep You Young. The article explains that “exercising” mice significantly outlive sedentary mice. In addition, the exercising mice have a much better quality of life – they stay youthful and vital for much longer periods. I find these findings to be inspiring. So the article got me thinking about two things: first, I thought about my husband, who has been walking at least 3-5 times a week for ages now; and second, I thought about how difficult it is for most of us to climb over a brick wall life may throw in our path if we actually do start exercising.

First, my husband. People are usually very surprised to learn how old hubby really is. Most think he’s at least 5, if not 10 years younger than his birth certificate would attest to. And very much like the exercising mice in the article above, his walking has really paid off. He doesn’t take any meds – none whatsoever, his doc says he has the ticker of an 18 year-old, and he sails through his physicals – usually. So let me shorten what could be a lengthy story. Mr. Super-Health developed a problem and very recently underwent major surgery. Recoup time will be at least 6 weeks. He’s lost almost 20% of his body weight, and is understandably tired and weakened. Too tired and too weak to pick up his walking routine where he left it before this saga began. And that leads into my second point.

Second, climbing over brick walls. Hubby is impatient with the pace of healing and may even be a bit angry that he feels so darn rotten. Life has thrown him a brick wall. He knows exercise is good (don’t we all???) but he’s physically not able to jump right in where he left off. But we’re lucky. We have a treadmill conveniently located right within our home. So, with prodding, he’s been getting on the treadmill and doing little bits – and those little bits are slowly turning into bigger bits. He’s up to almost 10 minutes now (and please don’t write and tell me that’s inconsequential – because, quite frankly, it’s GREAT!). So slowly but steadily he’s starting to ascend.

We all know that we should exercise (along with so many other things we really should do). But we’re human. And because we’re human (we’re not mice), life will throw brick walls into the pathway of our good intentions. And when we face our brick walls, we need to reach out for help – we may need a boost to get us over that huge brick hump. Hubby’s “boost” is the treadmill sitting in our home combined with a bit of nudging on my part to get him on it.

Brick walls are inevitable. But it’s how we face those brick walls, and climb over them, that separate the men from the mice.

Posted in exercise, fitness, health, life lessons | Leave a comment

In Sickness and In Health

I’ve been camped out for the last couple of weeks in Baltimore, MD. We came here so Lou, my husband, could have surgery at the Johns Hopkins University Hospital. We live in New England, near a pretty significant medical mecca. But his surgery is known to be extremely complex, and the most accomplished surgeon for this surgery – in the world – is located here. So here we are. And on an up note, please know that the surgery went well and Lou is recovering, after a bit of a bump, even better than expected.

After his surgery, Lou was placed in the Intensive Care Unit, as is the standard procedure. When I was finally allowed to go into the ICU to be with him, I don’t know why, but I was surprised by his appearance. He looked so very tired, almost beaten. But nevertheless he managed a smile. And I said to him, “I’m here. I’m going to stay to make sure you’re okay.” And he said, “Yes, we’re a team.”

A “team.” It’s easy, even fun, to be part of a team when things are going well. But this…well, it really threw us for a loop. Our “team” has been blessed with good health for a very long time. But do know, this is not the first time the team has faced tough issues of many sorts, and we’ve weathered the storms. And as is the case with all Class A teams, we celebrate each other’s strengths, and do our best to compensate for the weaknesses. So we’ll learn from this experience and it, too, will make us stronger.

Kinda nice to be Co-Captain of a winning team!

Posted in Marriage, health | 2 Comments

Daddy’s Girl

I admit it.  I was always a daddy’s girl.  Don’t get me wrong. I was very close to my mom, too. I was lucky.  I had two loving, involved parents.   Still, my dad and I were tight.  When my parents split, I couldn’t bear to see him alone, so I left our cushy family home and slept on the lumpy couch of his rental house.  I sought his approval and was always thrilled to see him in the audience of a school play or the sidelines of a little league game.  

My dad always bought sentimental Valentine’s Day cards for my mom, sister and me.  The serious, mushy kind.  I remember one year his girlfriend bought funny cards for them both to sign.  I eventually worked up the nerve to tell him I missed the old ones. He smiled and said he liked those better too, and went back to them after that.

I could always count on my dad to be my biggest fan.  He encouraged my love of cooking, eating anything I made. No matter how it turned out, he always claimed it was the best he had ever tasted.  Over the years, I sang in a few bands.  My dad saw me perform with all but one of them, often driving for hours to catch a show. Once I began writing music seriously, he would listen carefully to every demo.  Without fail, he would predict, “Now, THAT’S a hit!”

It was a good life, knowing my dad would always support my dreams, celebrate my successes, and be my safe harbor no matter what.

You know what happens next, though.  One night, a few hours after calling just to say hi, he died.  No warning.  No chance to say goodbye.  After a full day’s work, he simply went home, got into bed and died.  

That was ten years ago, almost to the day. I’m not going to tell you there’s no more sadness.  There will always be tears to fight back when I see father-daughter Valentine’s Day cards. I still catch myself wondering what he would have thought of something I’m doing, but I try and honor him in ways he would have liked.  I celebrate his memory with my husband and children, whom he loved deeply.  I pass down the lessons he taught me.  

My mother died ten years before him.  After months of tearful calls from me, he told me something I’ll never forget.  He said his own mother had shared these words after his beloved grandmother died.  She explained he was still Grandma’s special boy, but told him, “Life is for the living.”  

Life is for the living?  This stopped me cold.  Why, after a lifetime of constant encouragement and love, would he say something so heartless to me?  I didn’t understand at the time.  It was too soon, perhaps, to accept the gift.  He was right, of course.  What sounded void of that encouragement and love I’d come to expect was actually full of both.  He was putting me back on track.  Later I thanked him and we had a beautiful talk about losing our mothers.  I was struck at both the depth of his years-old grief as well as his ability to live fully in spite of it.  

While going through his things, I found a Valentine he made for his mother when he was five.  It was serious and mushy.  She saved it, he saved it, and now I save it.  Like the Valentine, her lessons are still in the family.

Life is for the living, I am still Daddy’s girl, and Valentines should be mushy.

-Alicia King

 Alicia and her husband, Dan, live near Nashville, TN with their always-hungry teenagers.  Alicia’s book on grief support, Sorry For Your Loss: What People Who Are Grieving Wish You Knew, is out now.  Her irreverently serious (yes, that’s oxymoronic) blog can be found here-

http://dosanddontsofgrief.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/thegrieflady
http://www.amazon.com/Sorry-Your-Loss-People-Grieving/dp/1596527471/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_1

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Creating Lively Family Memoirs

Pretend that you are dead and gone.
Who were you besides what is found on your birth and death certificates?

Besides snapshots and scrapbook mementos, what will you leave behind? What will your friends and family know about you besides your name and where you lived and worked?

In my case, you don’t know that I tried to tattoo my little brother when I was five. Or that I flunked the written test twice before getting my driver’s license. I have a diploma, but owning one doesn’t prove how much I loved Englewood High School.

My marriage license doesn’t tell my grandchildren how I met their grandfather. I would love to know how my own grandparents met, but they are long gone, and now I’m not likely to find out.

So let’s get started with a favorite family story that you’ve told a million times. You want to keep your reader turning pages, not wanting the story to end. You, as the narrator, are the main character of the story. So what is your agenda? You want to include your thoughts and feelings regarding the event. An example is that as a boy in the 1960’s you wanted a hair cut like the Beatles. Your mother says no and you’ve got a conflict that needs to be resolved.

If your story is about your four-year-old self who wants to cut your baby brother’s hair, use short, simple sentences. Little kids don’t talk in complex sentences. It’s one of the many ways of revealing the age of a character.

During your story, stick with your original theme and refer back to it at the end. The beginning and end of a story are like book ends that hold the middle together. That one theme (cutting hair) includes an agenda that takes on a special power to unite and shape the story.

You also want the characters in your story to feel real, so include snippets of dialogue and action that the reader can hear and see.
“Mom slammed her fork on the table, jabbed a finger in my direction and said, ‘We’re not talking about this again. Eat your dinner. ” If the reader hears and sees the people in your story, he has a sensory experience while getting to know the character.

While remembering the theme, agenda, dialogue and internal feelings, don’t forget one more important story element–the setting. Your scene happens in a setting because a story doesn’t take place in thin air. Let the reader know indirectly that it happened at the dinner table like this: After Dad passed the mashed potatoes he asked if I wanted gravy and I said, “Yes, and I also want to get my hair cut like the Beatles.”

If you can talk you can write, so the excuse that you’re not a writer doesn’t hold. Just talk with your fingers to your notebook or keyboard. Your memories don’t need to be published to be cherished by family members who read them.

Never lose sight of the fact that you are living history, that your family’s novel lives within you, and that writing can bring your story to life forever.

About the author…
At 75, Betty Auchard wrote the IPPY Award winning memoir, Dancing in my Nightgown: The Rhythms of Widowhood, endorsed by celebrity widows Jayne Meadows and Rosemarie Stack. Last November, she released her childhood memoir, The Home for the Friendless, which The Senior Voice compared to The Glass Castle. Betty’s stories and essays have been published in the San Jose Mercury News, Today’s Senior, and Chocolate for a Woman’s Soul series. Blog with the author at www.bettyauchard.com and join her fans on Facebook.

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Memory

If you’re After Fifty, then you have already, or are about to experience one of the realities of our generation: memory slips. If you’re brave enough to raise the issue with some well-intentioned people, they’ll pat you on the back and mutter something like, “Oh, you’re just too busy. That’s why you can’t remember where you parked the car;” or maybe even something like, “Well, you’re entering into mid-life (or menopause or whatever)… and we know that memory slips sometime happen.” But bottom line, when it really does happen to you, more than once, a certain panic can set in. Is “old age” really knocking at my door? Is this what I’m headed for…confusion forevermore??? For the majority of us, thankfully, memory slips are a natural part of aging and not necessarily a harbinger of bad news. So, sit back and watch this video: Memory – A Spoof by Pam Peterson. It should bring a real smile to your face, as maybe, just maybe, you might even recognize yourself!

Posted in Memory, aging | 3 Comments

Choices, Tolerance, and Andy

I don’t really care if you believe in God, or not. And if you do, it doesn’t matter to me which faith it is you choose to practice. What does matter to me, though, is that we have choices – not only about religion, but also about our politics, our work, our loves, and more. What also matters to me is that we respect the choices made by those with whom we share our space. If you’re truly exercising that respect, then it’s unlikely that you’ll go around suing anyone and everyone who happens to think a little differently than you do. Or that you’ll try to “take-out” someone with a gun, just because they think a little differently than you.

Andy Rooney said the following in relation to prayer, but it also applies to tolerance in general: “I don’t believe in Santa Claus, but I’m not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December.
I don’t agree with Darwin, but I didn’t go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his theory of evolution.
Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered in any way because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game.
So what’s the big deal?
It’s not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They’re just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.”

You’re right, Andy. So what’s the big deal if someone chooses to pray or love or vote a little differently than you do? Diversity in your plantings brightens up the garden. Differences in tone can make the song sound even sweeter. And when opinions are varied, our thought processes get sharpened, and our thinking becomes clearer.

So let’s celebrate diversity instead of squashing it under the heel of political correctness. After all, this IS America – a land that can rejoice in the benefits that come when we exercise tolerance!

Posted in Andy Rooney, diversity, tolerance | 2 Comments

Tax Prep – Throw Caution To The Wind?

Tax preparationThey’re baaaaack!  All those forms.  You know what I mean.  It’s January, so all the forms necessary to file our taxes are filling our mailboxes.  They serve as a grim reminder of the nasty task that lies ahead.  What I mean by “nasty task” is the prep work that needs to be done to file the taxes.

So, last night I decided to put in order all of our medical receipts and records for 2010 to hand over to our tax preparer.  Quite frankly, the stack of paper accumulated over the year is overwhelming.  (We had a banner year, health-wise.)

The job ahead would involve putting all this paperwork in some sort of order, and then inputting info into an excel spreadsheet.  I was looking at 2-3 hours of sorting and another 2-3 hours of computer work  And then I started to wonder…. is all this record-keeping really necessary.   After all, according to Andy Rooney, “Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.”  Gives you pause for thought, doesn’t it!

And then I started to fantasize what my defense would be in an IRS audit.  “Well, sir,” I’d say, “a 1-inch stack of receipts equals $1,000 in write-offs, so my 4-inch stack must equal $4,000!”  Will this fly?  Can I get away with it?  Dare I try? 

A recent report found a 41% error rate on tax returns prepared by the IRS’s Free Assistance Program.  So I guess a reasonable defense on my behalf could be that not many of us really know what we’re doing – even those who are “Pros” in the field! 

Anyway, I’ve chickened-out.  I spent over 2 hours last night putting the paperwork in order.   And I’m sorry, Andy.  You’re right, of course.  Nevertheless, though, I will sometime soon use my computer to input info that I fervently pray I will never, ever, ever need to look at again….at least, not in an audit!

Posted in Andy Rooney, IRS, Taxes | 2 Comments

Aging – with Humor and Grace!

Every day that passes, each and every one of us gets a little bit older. Our approach to this “inevitability” tends to fall into one of two groups. In this first group, we welcome this transition to aging and valiantly celebrate our increasing wisdom. In the second group,we fight this natural phenomenon tooth and nail. (Note sometime the number of professionals specializing in plastic surgery, hair restoration, etc, who are able to drive around in expensive cars financed in large part by our attempts to outwit Mother Nature.) Bottom line, though, regardless of which group we fall into, we ARE all aging. And some of us do so with more grace and panache than others.

So, allow me to introduce you to Mary Maxwell. If you’ve seen this video already, you know why so many people are raving about it – and her! She most likely falls into the first group, and her celebration of life is rich with humor. So, be prepared to enjoy the show – she’s quite a hidden jewel!  Watch her video here, and enjoy!

Posted in aging, humor | 1 Comment

Women Over 50 – with Thanks to Andy Rooney

Happy New Year! Someone sent me this wonderful piece by Andy Rooney and I can’t think of a better way to start off 2011! Both women AND men will recognize the wisdom in this piece. Thanks, Andy… and enjoy!

“As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

Posted in Andy Rooney, relationships, women | 3 Comments

Family – And Holiday Traditions

For the first time ever in my memory, we had four generations sitting around our holiday table this year. In the picture to the left, you see the star of the show, our first (and only) grandchild, Daisy. Her dad, (my son) and his wife are pictured there along with me and my mother, who has the exalted role as a first-time great-grandmother. Missing from the table was our daughter and her new husband. We were joined with them, briefly it seemed, through the wonders of telephone technology. As the chief cook, I decided in the name of family harmony not to be offended when people said things like, “Gee, Jo-Anne, good food. I guess you still have it!” (Hmmmm. What’s this “still” stuff mean???) Bottom line though, the meal, the day, the time leading up to it and the time since have simply been a joyous occasion.

Also around the table were some of my siblings and their families. And it worked well this year. As an extended family, we have not really settled on a defined ritual for how these holidays will be celebrated – but one thing is certain. Anyone who’s a member of the family is welcome to join in and celebrate along with us. So I guess maybe where we do the celebrating is not at all that important. What is important is that we “touch” one another. We accept our individual foibles, forgive or ignore the slights, and celebrate the wonders of one another. So, however and whenever you celebrate your holidays my wish for you is that you can bask in the glow of family love. Where you celebrate is not really important. Just join together, express your love and support for one another. Now, that’s a tradition that’s worth relishing!

Posted in Family, Holidays, grandchildren | 1 Comment